Inside my closet
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
February photo a day, day 10
Self portrait.
Not feeling good so im hiding myself. Dont know if it's what i ate or the flu.
Thursday, February 09, 2012
a couple of layouts
some layout lovin'!
i'm so happy in my life right how. i'm so thankful that God had blessed eric and i with liam. oh my gosh that boy is the biggest thing in my life. after september i realized i want to document more. remember more. so i am trying to remember more to put in layouts. it is one reason why i am doing project life. i usually love to add a lot of embellishments and such. i love the ones i see that have really cute stuff on it, but mine will contain more pictures and more memories. i will add some embellishments here and there but i mainly want to remember. i want liam to look back in and see what we did. what was in style. the stores. the clothing. the books he read. the people that were in his life. everything. even now he looks in albums with me and points to the people he knows. he laughs, smiles and claps. i want that for the rest of his life. i want him to smile when he sees how much he was loved by all of us. that's what scrapbooking is all about. i used to think it was about what i used to put the layout together, the pretty stuff. not any more. yeah, i still love allof that but i know now that it is more about what happened in our life instead of the paper and buttons i used.
i'm so happy in my life right how. i'm so thankful that God had blessed eric and i with liam. oh my gosh that boy is the biggest thing in my life. after september i realized i want to document more. remember more. so i am trying to remember more to put in layouts. it is one reason why i am doing project life. i usually love to add a lot of embellishments and such. i love the ones i see that have really cute stuff on it, but mine will contain more pictures and more memories. i will add some embellishments here and there but i mainly want to remember. i want liam to look back in and see what we did. what was in style. the stores. the clothing. the books he read. the people that were in his life. everything. even now he looks in albums with me and points to the people he knows. he laughs, smiles and claps. i want that for the rest of his life. i want him to smile when he sees how much he was loved by all of us. that's what scrapbooking is all about. i used to think it was about what i used to put the layout together, the pretty stuff. not any more. yeah, i still love allof that but i know now that it is more about what happened in our life instead of the paper and buttons i used.
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
this week in photos
eeks...i am getting later on this..should be done on monday's to avoid any confusion. anywhooo, here is what happened last week.
liam got to meet his cousin, daisy. he got jealous when uncle steve would hold her. he would go up to him and whine, "pick me up" he would motion....he's a man's man and no girls are allowed, ever!
i tried this new cereal...omg...love!!!
at the beginning of the week we had our eyes tested. i need bifocals. at first i was like "ohhh i am old now." didn't really like the thought of it. but now that i have them i am so glad. i can read better. i can look at my phone easier. love them!!!
the mall had a boat/sport show over the weekend. they had a few atv's left over. so eric and liam decide to get on one. liam wanted to get on it over and over after that.
it was warm one day this week....i believe it was a tuesday. so we took the dude out so he could run around. he misses going outside in the winter. he is an outdoors kind of guy.
that's about it for this week in photos!
peace!
liam got to meet his cousin, daisy. he got jealous when uncle steve would hold her. he would go up to him and whine, "pick me up" he would motion....he's a man's man and no girls are allowed, ever!
i tried this new cereal...omg...love!!!
at the beginning of the week we had our eyes tested. i need bifocals. at first i was like "ohhh i am old now." didn't really like the thought of it. but now that i have them i am so glad. i can read better. i can look at my phone easier. love them!!!
the mall had a boat/sport show over the weekend. they had a few atv's left over. so eric and liam decide to get on one. liam wanted to get on it over and over after that.
it was warm one day this week....i believe it was a tuesday. so we took the dude out so he could run around. he misses going outside in the winter. he is an outdoors kind of guy.
that's about it for this week in photos!
peace!
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
Monday, February 06, 2012
Sunday, February 05, 2012
project life, weeks 3 and 4
finally. i finished week 4 last night...well did two things to it this morning so i guess it was today, right? i'm finding myself taking more and more pictures. love it! i got two different page protectors so i could have a variety to choose from.
here is week 3:
week 4:
here is week 3:
week 4:
Saturday, February 04, 2012
Friday, February 03, 2012
Thursday, February 02, 2012
February a photo a day, days 1 and 2
Day 1, my view
Day 2, words
Done with my phone so photos dont match days. Ugh.
so it has lasted more than a week
usually after a bad panic attack i feel like crap mentally and physically for a week, maybe less. this time the mental part has lasted longer. i think about how stuck i am. how i haven't went anywhere forever. how this is going to take me so long to get over. how i've missed out on so much in my life. how people don't understand and judge. how i wish it would just go away. how i want to just go and not feel one ounce of anxiety or fear.
too many years. too many negative things. all have been drilled into my head. all have haunted me day and night. i think about how many people i have disappointed. how many lies i have told when people asked me to go somewhere. no one asks now, i guess word got around??? i get so tired of living like this. change then. yeah, so easy to say, not so easy to do. how do you just change? i want to change my thinking. i want to change a lot of things but i feel overwhelmed....where do i start? how do i start?
i stopped therapy for two reasons. one....there is no one to watch liam so he has to go with us. he will sit in there for a little bit but then he is ready to go. distracting. two...i couldn't afford the book she wanted to work out of. now i can. i need to call her back and make an appointment. i think his sitter would watch him for an hour on mondays, it's just explainging why. i don't want to have to say..."i go to thereapy for anxiety." if had fears that what if people find out about my agoraphobia and try to take liam? especially after he had his appendix out. i'd give anything to be able to go anywhere. i wish i could have been up there. last night i asked eric if anyone was mad at me because i couldn't go. he asked what brought that up. i said from time to time i think of these things and since my anxiety has been up lately i thought about it. i mean, how can anyone not understand and be mad because the mother of this sweet hurting child can't be there????
i wish i had answers to all of it. i wish i could explain to where anyone would/could understand. i wish i didn't have to explain anything or go through this for that fact. i said last night "why was me? why did this happen to me?" i used to be able to do so much now..... i'm starting to think about how liam is getting older and will want to do things. how in a few years he may be playing baseball (that is up to him but i am sure he will want to) and how i will want to go to these games. not everything is in town. the more i think about it, the more discouraged i get because i have so much work to do. so much to work on.
i know i need to look at all of this as a want to get over this and i do. that is why i started therapy. at times it just seems so overwhelming. it's like this huge mountain that i have to climb. that no matter what direction i take to get to the top, i get distracted by down trees, poisonous flowers, deadly animals like bears and mountain lions....all stop you in your tracks and make you rethink if climbing this mountain is worth the fight.
how do i climb it? i do i fight off those animals? how do i not take the wrong way so i don't end up at the beginning and have to start the climb all over?
too many years. too many negative things. all have been drilled into my head. all have haunted me day and night. i think about how many people i have disappointed. how many lies i have told when people asked me to go somewhere. no one asks now, i guess word got around??? i get so tired of living like this. change then. yeah, so easy to say, not so easy to do. how do you just change? i want to change my thinking. i want to change a lot of things but i feel overwhelmed....where do i start? how do i start?
i stopped therapy for two reasons. one....there is no one to watch liam so he has to go with us. he will sit in there for a little bit but then he is ready to go. distracting. two...i couldn't afford the book she wanted to work out of. now i can. i need to call her back and make an appointment. i think his sitter would watch him for an hour on mondays, it's just explainging why. i don't want to have to say..."i go to thereapy for anxiety." if had fears that what if people find out about my agoraphobia and try to take liam? especially after he had his appendix out. i'd give anything to be able to go anywhere. i wish i could have been up there. last night i asked eric if anyone was mad at me because i couldn't go. he asked what brought that up. i said from time to time i think of these things and since my anxiety has been up lately i thought about it. i mean, how can anyone not understand and be mad because the mother of this sweet hurting child can't be there????
i wish i had answers to all of it. i wish i could explain to where anyone would/could understand. i wish i didn't have to explain anything or go through this for that fact. i said last night "why was me? why did this happen to me?" i used to be able to do so much now..... i'm starting to think about how liam is getting older and will want to do things. how in a few years he may be playing baseball (that is up to him but i am sure he will want to) and how i will want to go to these games. not everything is in town. the more i think about it, the more discouraged i get because i have so much work to do. so much to work on.
i know i need to look at all of this as a want to get over this and i do. that is why i started therapy. at times it just seems so overwhelming. it's like this huge mountain that i have to climb. that no matter what direction i take to get to the top, i get distracted by down trees, poisonous flowers, deadly animals like bears and mountain lions....all stop you in your tracks and make you rethink if climbing this mountain is worth the fight.
how do i climb it? i do i fight off those animals? how do i not take the wrong way so i don't end up at the beginning and have to start the climb all over?
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
this week in photos
yeah, i am a few days late on this. i also need to post week 3 and 4 of project life. hopefully that will be tomorrow!
liam loves balls! he has all kinds but he doesn't have a football or a basketball. i saw a basketball at walmart for 4.87. omg he loves it! here he is chilling in the recliner, eating and watching tv with his ball.
i went to starbucks and ordered a yummy bun and a coffee. got a sample of the new blonde blend. score!
i walked out of Big Lots to see this.....which one is mine????
and what did i get in big lots? i scored some great deals on stamps!!!!!
we both got new phones. ohhhh. my....god....these phones are awesome! it is the electrify by motorola at us cellular.i got a case to protect it from liam!
ugh...the laundry is piled high! washed just needs folded. yes...i got it done. :)
we got a new bed set. happy!!! and new pillows too. nice and comfy, i never want to get out of bed! :)
i got "the message" bible. it is so much easier to understand. love it!
that's it for this week. well...last week. hope to get project life caught up! :) week 3 is done, working on week 4.
peace!
liam loves balls! he has all kinds but he doesn't have a football or a basketball. i saw a basketball at walmart for 4.87. omg he loves it! here he is chilling in the recliner, eating and watching tv with his ball.
i went to starbucks and ordered a yummy bun and a coffee. got a sample of the new blonde blend. score!
i walked out of Big Lots to see this.....which one is mine????
and what did i get in big lots? i scored some great deals on stamps!!!!!
we both got new phones. ohhhh. my....god....these phones are awesome! it is the electrify by motorola at us cellular.i got a case to protect it from liam!
ugh...the laundry is piled high! washed just needs folded. yes...i got it done. :)
we got a new bed set. happy!!! and new pillows too. nice and comfy, i never want to get out of bed! :)
i got "the message" bible. it is so much easier to understand. love it!
that's it for this week. well...last week. hope to get project life caught up! :) week 3 is done, working on week 4.
peace!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
able to breathe
what a week this has been. sunday wasn't good. i had a bad panic attack at walmart. the meds i had been taking for my cold/sinuses/cough make my anxiety bad. we ran over a bolt and had to get the tire fixed. now this is where i work. i know lots of people so why did i panic? i have no idea other than the meds affecting me bad. so i stopped taking them and i'm still getting better. i knew the meds would do this but how can you get over what i had without taking them? slowly but surely i am feeling better from both. it takes a few days from the memory of that attack and for the meds to get out of my body, then i'm good to go! usually after a bad panic attack it takes me a good week to feel good again. i get the "what if's" going through my head. once the memory leaves so do the what if's. anxiety and panic suck. that is all there is to it.
this week we got our taxes back. much needed. i can sigh a HUGE sigh of relief. we now have a good cushion in the savings account. i wanted to do that last year but since we had to buy a car we couldn't. but this year we can and it feels great. my hours are getting cut at work. eric's aren't any more. they were once. this week i have 16 and the next 2 weeks, 25. i don't worry too much since we have the money but i don't want to spend the savings money unless we have to. i'm not sure when the hours will go back up but it isn't too bad of a cut for me at 25. 16, ohhhh yeah!!! it is so nice to feel this relief. we have struggled since we were off when liam had his appendix out. but now we are good and it feels great!
there is so much i wanted to write this week but i haven't felt like doing it. a lot going through my mind but it's the usual that goes through after a bad panic attack. this attack was so bad that i don't remember a few things that happened. haven't had that bad of one in years. all i know is that i am so thankful to have eric and liam. they keep me going in times like this. they are my rock. love them so!
this week we got our taxes back. much needed. i can sigh a HUGE sigh of relief. we now have a good cushion in the savings account. i wanted to do that last year but since we had to buy a car we couldn't. but this year we can and it feels great. my hours are getting cut at work. eric's aren't any more. they were once. this week i have 16 and the next 2 weeks, 25. i don't worry too much since we have the money but i don't want to spend the savings money unless we have to. i'm not sure when the hours will go back up but it isn't too bad of a cut for me at 25. 16, ohhhh yeah!!! it is so nice to feel this relief. we have struggled since we were off when liam had his appendix out. but now we are good and it feels great!
there is so much i wanted to write this week but i haven't felt like doing it. a lot going through my mind but it's the usual that goes through after a bad panic attack. this attack was so bad that i don't remember a few things that happened. haven't had that bad of one in years. all i know is that i am so thankful to have eric and liam. they keep me going in times like this. they are my rock. love them so!
Monday, January 23, 2012
this week in pictures
well this week it was me that had to see the doctor.
me that got the meds and plenty of tissue.
the sitter suggested this to help since it really wasn't breaking up.
if it says on the back "do not take if you take meds for depression," it isn't a good thing for me. it makes my anxiety worse. i had been feeling jittery for a few days. yesterday we were driving and ran over a bolt. so we went to walmart to get it fixed. well let's just say that we didn't have a good time. a very bad panic attack happened. worse one i have had in years. so i have stopped taking the mucinex for now till my nerves quiet down. i am feeling better though.
we took liam to see the kansas city royals. a few baseball players were at the mall along with slugger. omg he loved slugger. followed him all over. he wanted to hug him so bad!!! he waited till the right moment, went up and hugged him and then ran back. so sweet!
one day i had a few hours before work, so i went to starbucks. had some yummy coffee and a blueberry muffin. love!
we went out to my parents. for the first time liam played the piano. he loved it!
me that got the meds and plenty of tissue.
the sitter suggested this to help since it really wasn't breaking up.
we took liam to see the kansas city royals. a few baseball players were at the mall along with slugger. omg he loved slugger. followed him all over. he wanted to hug him so bad!!! he waited till the right moment, went up and hugged him and then ran back. so sweet!
one day i had a few hours before work, so i went to starbucks. had some yummy coffee and a blueberry muffin. love!
we went out to my parents. for the first time liam played the piano. he loved it!
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