very thankful

i woke up at 7:40am with what i am about to write on my mind. things have changed so much for me in the last 2 years. not a lot of people know that i was married for 16 years. over 10 years of it i spent unhappy. totally unhappy. why not get out? not so easy to do when you have panic attacks, depression and agoraphobia. while i won't go into the details of why i stayed and why i was unhappy, none of that is important now the past is the past, i did learn a lot about myself in those years. it did make me stronger. the bold move to move on with my life lead me to much more than i even imagined. i never though happiness would come to me. i never though i would be having a 7 month old sleeping in the next room. i never thought i would find the man i love with all my heart and soul. in the last 2 years life has become amazing and the people i am going to mention have played a part in that role. so much of a part that i need to write about how great god is to give me friends that have made a difference in my life.

and no particular order...here we go!

i'll start off with my parents. i thank them so much for all they do for me. how they have supported me and been there with me through everything. i prayed that i could give them a grandchild before i was 40...did it 2 years before. :)

eric. god where do i start? i never in my life thought i would find someone that loves me the way he does. how he makes me laugh when i am down. his goal is to make me smile and laugh each day. he takes good care of liam. he let's me have my me time when i really need it. words can not describe how much he has changed me. i feel safe around him. i feel i can be me around him. i waited a long time for him. i cherish each day we have together.

eric's parents, rob and laura. they understand my anxiety issues and don't judge me. that is the most important thing to me. they help us so much. they love me unconditionally. they are the best in-laws.

heather, eric's sister. she is so loving. she is a great mom and raised two wonderful little girls.

aimee. we were in ballet at age 5 or 6. didn't really get to know each other till 4th grade. been friends since. i could never repay her for all she has done to help me. she sent me a letter of encouragement when i was going through the "i don't know if i am doing this mommy thing right" ordeal. from prom, taco bell....we may not have stayed in constant touch like we do now via twitter...but we know we are there for each other.

carla. another friendship started in 4th grade. this woman can make me laugh. i tell ya she is a gem. we lost touch but carla found me on myspace and after 20 years we met up again. her, aimee and i. i am so lucky she is in my life. her sense of humor and wit...she rocks! even if she is team edward. lol...just kidding.

brandon. guncle brandon as liam would call him. i cut up with him everytime we are around each other. unless he comes in while i am working. i try to stay in a professional manner at work. *sarcasim at its finest* smart and always has the last word, the man is the best. he is helping me with the wedding. he is always there for you when you need a friend. i hope that one day he and colby will be united in marriage.

julie. she takes care of my little man when i am at work. she teaches him. she is a great person with a huge heart. i am at ease at work knowing liam is in safe hands.

god not only blessed me with a great guy but also got me out of taco station and into a better job. though i miss that place from time to time, i am so glad for the change, which was for the better. i made so many new friends at walmart. each has a place in my life.

alex...now alex isn't from walmart but from taco station. i have known her for over 10 years. though she used to annoy the heck out of me....she gets a little windy from time to time....she is another person that was always there for me when i needed it. she is now in florida. she'll be back next month to meet my son. i can't wait to see her. i miss her so much!

the apparel gals....
bethanny. she doesn't work there any more but when i first started and for about 6 months or so, she was the only one that would talk to me. there is no worse feeling this being in a new job and no one around you giving you the time of day. she is the reason why i became a sponsor. i want people that come into our dept to feel welcome. (no, the first one i sponsored does not count, people. she was only a test. that is a whole new blog post....)

stephanie. the only one in our dept that is a mom. i go to her often. "is this ok to be doing...." "am i doing this right." "is it normal to...." i am so thankful i have someone to run to, to make sure that i am doing this mother thing ok. we share two common interests....scrapbooking and pop. :)

emily. when she first started we clicked. sometimes there are people that you just connect with from the start. i am shy when i first get to know you. (just wait till i open up) but with her i wasn't. i was able to come back with smart remarks and she took them in stride. awesome!

tiffany. i miss working with her. we don't work together as much as we used to. we can laugh at the smallest things. she knows to come get me when something would make me roll my eyes and laugh.

brenda. like a little sister. i feel bad to this day for yelling at her for not being in her dept. that day i thought it was pms....no i was pg and didn't know it. she nice to everyone and doesn't say a bad thing about anyone.

ashley. i'm not sure when she is upset or playing. but as she says "if i am mean to you that means i like you." she is sweet, kind and will have my back if anything should happen.

phyllis. motherly advice. that's the first thing i think of when i thought of what would i write. she watches out for all of us.

dorothy. the woman has and attitude...well not that bad of one but sometimes.... she is warm hearted. she is sweet and always says hello.

elizabeth. i have never met someone at her age that cusses like a sailor. omg i laugh when i come in and she has had a bad day. not because she had a bad day but the words that come out of her mouth. i am sure that will be me when i am her age. positive!

nolene. sweet little nolene. the grandmother of us all. funny. she is adorable!

kristin. oh we go wayyyy back. i worked with her at taco station. many a times she saw me at my worse, pms is not a happy thing and neither are anger issues. she is the sweetest person i know. she is always there for you. she listens and doesn't judge. has good advice and so darn smart! i love her to pieces!

and others at walmart.

tracy. she is a riot. i love to hear her stories. i hope she doesn't move to kc. after hearing about dead bodies laying in the road...she is better off in se kansas where meth labs are and not guys with guns in cars. just sayin.

scott. the only person i can talk nascar with. i'm sure there are others but we like to give each other crap over our drivers. he is a jimmie fan and i forgive him for that. not everyone can see a champion in someone. rofl.

bobbi. another one that gives good advice. always says hello. friendly.

judy. so friendly and nice. has to give liam a kiss when she sees him. she's awesome.

frances. though she isn't there now, i respected her. being a manager before at taco station, i saw why did what she did at times. i respected that. some people questioned it. but i always know a good maganger when i see them and how they work.

other members of mgt. tarl. the guy loves weird al and so when i hear a weird al song i think of tarl. he is friendly and always says hi. so does frank and kraig. they always say my name and hello.

i am wondering if i left anyone out. with my memory i am sure i am. these people have made a difference in my life with being who they are. you never know who you will come in contact with in life. you can learn from everyone and you can also teach. you don't have to teach anything more than kindness. be friendly and you will be rewarded with love and kindness back. people remember you when you've made a difference in their life. i hope people remember me. the ones i worked with over the years. there are some i will never forget and i wonder where they are today.

i thank god for changing my life around and finally making me happy. life is so much better when you love life. when you aren't crying in your own home because your are lonly. when you wake up each morning next to the man of your dreams. when you walk into the baby's room and look at this peacefull little man laying there asleep. life has never been this amazing.