5 minute friday

today's word is a bit tough for me. thank god above, i haven't had a lot of loss in my life. the only loss that truly hits me are my 4 miscarriages. i never thought i would be able to have kids. i had 3 losses before i found out i was pregnant with liam. i was scared all the time. i was scared i would loss him just like the others. but god knew i needed him. god knew that the time was right for this little boy in my life. he is my miracle.

on new year's day this year i took a pregnancy test and it was positive. i thought it wouldn't have any problems since i had liam. two weeks later i was in the er confirming i had miscarried. by now i would have known if it was a boy or girl that would be arriving the first week of september. i wanted a sibling for liam. i didn't want him to grow up alone. i guess there is still time but after 4 losses i don't want to make it to 5.

liam is my everything. he is the joy of my life. the happiness that i needed after years of wishing for him. maybe one day i will get the courage to try again. but at 40 my changes of lossing another child goes up each year. so for right now i will enjoy this blonde hair, blue eyed little man!