When everyone sleeps

I'm awake thinking and wondering. I put way too much thought into somethings. What if it does have down syndrome? I worry and wonder way before the tests are back. Why worry until something happens? He explained that it may come back abnormal simply due to my age.

I'm a bit scared. I want all to come out well. All I can do is give it to god.
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pictures from yesterday

i love how eric loves photography as much as i do. that he shares the passion along with me when we go out. we go out about twice a month to take pictures. yesterday i took 150. lots of great shots at the park with the ducks. i have only did 2 pictures in photoshop, the rest to come soon. so for right now here are a few of my favorites!

catching up....yet again

poor blog. just doesn't seem to get any action lately. i do have a ton going through my head but not sure what to put first. i do want to start writing more so i can remember this pregnancy. it may be my one and only the way things have been for the last 18 years. at times i am too afraid to write or get excited. i think there still is a tiny part of me that thinks something will happen. with the baby moving now i am reassured a lot but still wonder in the back of my head. i am so happy and excited that i just don't want anything to happen.

it's funny....before i was pregnant i would think that feeling the baby move or even knowing there was something growing in there would freak me out. i was like "i don't want something in my body." but now after feeling the flutters i love it and want more. it was nuts when i got my hair cut. i never felt it move that much, and still haven't, as to when i was sitting in the chair while she cut away.

today's dr appointment was short and sweet. heard the heartbeat...love that! he/she even kicked...awesome sound! they drew blood to test for down syndrome. i am a little nervous about that because of my age and not being able to get pregnant but only times in the last 28 years. not sure if that is a bad sign or what. not sure why i miscarried the last 3 times. 2 times i was barely along. ok....won't talk about those times. i just need to know that god will take care of us and the baby will be fine. no need to worry till something happens. but i know god is taking care of things and the baby will be heathly.

i told the dr about the spotting. he didn't seemed concerned. said as long as there isn't any cramping, never has been. my blood pressures was up but it is always up at the dr. so what i am going to do is take it each day and then print off for him to see that it is normal. that people with white coats and scarey equipment make it go up :).

i can't wait to found out so we can buy stuff and start planning and getting the baby's room ready. i am so blessed with all the support i have out there. my life is 100% complete now and the baby will add to it when it gets here. i don't think i could have done any of this 2 years ago when my life was different. god is wonderful. life is the best it has been in so many years. now to get to the traveling and then all would be friggin awesome!