Saturday, April 25, 2009
got my 2peas stamp order yesterday. i was going to go to the crop today but was so tired when i got home last night that i went right to bed and didn't get up till 11am. sorry girls. i missed the last one too. hard to go when i have to be at work at 2 but i could go for a couple of hours and make cards. i will be at the next one!!!
Friday, April 24, 2009
i remember as a kid tearing out pictures in magazines and taping them to my wall. i've always loved photography, colors and designs. i would tear out pictures of a tube of lipstick just because i thought it was neat. a lot of what i hung up was fashion oriented. at one point i wanted to go to school to work for liz claiborne. i loved fashion and somewhat still do. i also wanted to own or run a clothing store. i think that is why i like working in apparel so much is i am surrounded by clothes. i would love to be a department manager one day. that would rock!
speaking of work, time to get ready to go.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
i tried to upload some layouts over a week ago but for some reason blogger was turning the photos. no matter how i put them in they were coming up side ways. so here are a few layouts i did.uggg this is still side ways. i don't know what the deal is.i don't think it likes that one layout lol
today i plan on gettings things caught up around the house. creating a bit. my order from 2peas should be here tomorrow. eric and i are going out to mom and dads for dinner. i called mom and asked her to make some potato soup. i love her potato soup and started craving it at work the other night. going to be yummy, can't wait! got up a bit early. my body wants to get up and play while i want to sleep lol. but all is good! it's going to be a great day!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
we are off to the deli to eat and then drive around, take pictures and shop. we got the rebate card in the mail for when i got the cell phone from alltel so we gots some cash!!! :) tomorrow is payday and we are down to like 2 bucks! bills, gotta love them!
off to get ready. stomach will be growling before long if i don't get some food in it!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
i go in at 5:30 so i am debating about what to do with my time. do i got to hastings and see if the last issue of simple scrapbooks is in (totally sad about that) or finish reading my book? i'm almost done. i want to see if walgreens has some good leave in conditioner for damaged hair. there is a jar at work that is marked down to $3 but i have never heard of the company so i don't know. money is tight this week so i will wait till thursday and get something that i know will work.
it's bright and sunny here. warm! going to mom and dad's for lunch tomorrow. eric's first family get together :) happy times!
Friday, April 10, 2009
Loved the colors this time. i cheated and used a piece of Daisy D's paper that matched the colors here. The stamp is from Hero Arts. A fun and simple card. I never used the technique to put ink on a clear stamp holder and use a blender pen to color in the image. Totally fun and I will definately do it again!
Thursday, April 09, 2009
on our way to my parents i was talking how this is going to take me forever. it is. it is going to take me months before i can get to coffeyville. months before joplin. don't know how long for girard. it is so frustrating and discouraging. i thought how did i ever let myself get into this mess? why did i let fear ruin my life and what i want to do? i know i must realize the past is in the past and i need to start focusing on today and the future. even though it will take me months to get where i need to, i will get there and this will be in the past for me.
i really don't know what is stopping me. i have searched in my mind and soul for what is the issue for not being able to travel for so many years. but i want to put all of that behind me. i want to go. i want to live my life. it is so hard knowing i have to work on this and go to work. i don't have the time or gas money to really put the effort i need in to this but i have to find away. a goal of mine is to make it to coffeyville for christmas. still a lot of time to work on it. that is a long term goal. short term, get to girard. i want to be able to take a day and just go somewhere different. not look at the same crap i see all the time, this town!
agoraphobia isn't fun. it isn't a joke or a lie. it is real. it cripples people's ability to live the life they want to live. why did this ever happen to me? i get cursed with not being able to have a successful pregnancy and this? 3 miscarriages and can't travel, suck ass big time. i hate it. don't want it any more. why can't someone take this away from me? all i ever wanted in my life was a family, go to family functions and go shopping in different towns. two things i wanted more than anything and is stopped by one word, fear. it really pisses me off that i let myself drowned in this. that i let it control me and take over my life. but in my defense, there wasn't any good treatment when i first realized i had this in 1990. no one knew about it. a dr in joplin gave me pills to help, that was in 1992. but no one has ever showed me or taught me how to get rid of the negative thinking. the thoughts of dread and dying. sometimes i really miss being back in church. the comfort of god and the lord around me. i try to find my own religion. i get annoyed by these so called "christians" that i back off and don't want to be a part of christianity but i do. i know that no one is perfect. i just can't stand the ones that proclaim to be all of that and back stab you, talk about you, curse, etc. they say they are examples...yeah right!
i am the happiest i have been in years. i have the love of my life. i have everything i have been looking for all my life. now to work on the traveling and find my spirituality. two big things that will take work but will be very rewarding in the end!
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
getting back into the gilmore girls. used to love to watch it. stopped watching it for really stupid reasons. now i record it everyday :)
let's see what else.....addicted to mafia wars on facebook. its a short game thank god or i will be on there all night. short as in you have to build up your energy once you do it will last somewhat longer lol. fun game though.
off to shower and begin the day!
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
i enjoy taking pictures of signs and photoshopping them. here are some cool ones i found at flickr.
1. Save Gas Sign, 2. One sign fits all, 3. Renee's Salon of Beauty Sign, 4. Ignore This Sign, 5. Sign Eating Tree, 6. Confused Sign, 7. Warning Sign with Clouds, 8. Shop Sign, 9. What is this sign trying to say?
can't wait for tomorrow. well actually i can't wait to get off work tonight and come home. i really enjoy my times at home now. it used to be i wanted to work to avoid home. so many great things have changed in my life. what i used to hate i love now. i don't remember the last time i cried because i hated my life. i am so happy that i where i am in life now.
off to dry hair, put on makeup and get ready for my 5.5 hours of work tonight!
Saturday, April 04, 2009
1. Super Cute Crochet Kits!!, 2. Multicoloured Crocheted Bag, 3. Pattern for Crocheted Heart (Patroon voor Gehaakt Hart), 4. HK crochet Squares, 5. Crocheted potholders, 6. Crochet - work in progress, 7. Freeform Crocheted Scene, 8. crocheted heart valentines card, 9. Crochet ripple blanket - finished!
the jury is still out about straight hair. not too sure if i like it or not.
hoping to hear from that magazine about wanting a couple of cards, shoot one would be good for me. i can't remember the name to save my life. it's one that i have never submitted to before. i tell ya, when you get older the memory IS the first to go. well that or saggy boobs!
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
so lately i had been thinking "why i am i still over eating?" aimee and i talked briefly about this at girlfriends. for me i think it is a couple of things. not being able to travel. not being able to say "sure, I will come" when someone says "hey, come and visit me." another thing is having a boyfriend. i am worried about my looks. how i dress. my hair. my makeup. i know eric doesn't care about any of that but i want to look good for him. he has seen my at my heaviest weight and when i lost the 74lbs. i make comments to myself all the time. when getting out of bed i am like "god i bet he thinks my ass is huge."
i am hard on myself. i know this and i want to stop it. i am not and never will be perfect. i will have bad hair days. i will have days when i am bloated and everything looks like a tent. not every day is paradise but it can be if i just let go of all that is in my head and live.
as far as the traveling. i know i will get out and get to places. i need to work on it. it still scares me to think of being hundreds of miles from home. it has been years and thinking of it makes me anxious. i need to get over it. i need to realize that home is where i am. i am not going to be stuck somewhere forever. i wish i could go to wichita and be there for carla as she goes through all of this with heath. be there to hold her hand and listen. i feel like people say "well you can't rely on rhonda, since she can't..... she won't be here."
i need to stop obsessing and just live. i wish it was easier said than done. man do i ever!