Sunday, June 07, 2009

yay, tony's first win

i almost told eric and tammy that if tony wins i will name my kid after him if it is a son. i was totally kidding and so glad i didn't say that lol. he was suppose to start in first but after he wrecked on saturday during practice he had to start at the back with a new car. didn't stop him. he kicked butt and came in first. what a man i tell ya!

all is well with baby and me. still a but nervous from time to time. the what if's and thinking about labor and what all is coming in the next few months. i know all will go very well but there is alwasy this stuff in the back of my mind that i think about. after hearing the heartbeat the miscarriage rate is like 1 to 3 %. so i need to concentrate on the 97 to 99% not the tiny chance of anything going wrong. i am doing a lot better on that though.

i know this is a keeper because i have had my share of heartache and i know god wants me to be a mom. i am much more healthier mentally and physcially than i was before. i have a lot to do to get ready mentally, like the agoraphobia, but knowing that the baby is on the way is making it a lot easier to do. i do need to work on things and will once i get the energy back. i want to be able to go to joplin to maternity stores and baby stores. there are a lot of things i want to do and will.

Friday, June 05, 2009

relax now?

10weeks 3days today. after a bit of a stressful week, i think i can begin to relax. we heard a heartbeat on thursday. we heard it on wed too. i went in to the dr because i spotted 3 times in a week, wed was the 4th day. the dr wasn't in but told them to listen for a heartbeat. we were suppose to go on thur to the dr, the next day, but i couldn't wait. i was freaking out due to the spotting. happily the nurse found it and all is great. went to my scheduled appointment the next day and he explained that is very common for women to spot or even bleed in their first trimester. he said i could continue to spot for a few more weeks. june 23rd starts my 2nd trimester...can't wait for that day!

still some what nervous. i think it is because we didn't see the baby just heard it. he said that is just as good as seeing it. i can't seem to stop thinking bad things. not all of the time but sometimes. i guess i still have the past in the back of my head. when i think of the past i realize that none of the losses started anything like this. with 2 of my losses i was barely along, i think they were chemical pregnancies. so i know this one is a keeper just wish i could relax and trust. i am getting better at it though. i don't have bad days any more. i get excited thinking of the day she/he arrives and all the people that will be there. i think of what labor will be like. now when it comes to that i pray and think of an easy, epidural for sure, kind of delivery. i think all positive there. so why not now? i think till the spotting is completely gone i will still have it in the back of my mind. i know, it is normal let it go. sometimes easier said than done. when i was spotting once a week it didn't bother me. last week with times, a bit nerve wracking.

i am totally happy and can't wait for all of the fun to start. now that we heard a heartbeat i want to start writing more, doing layouts to remember, buying little things, planning. mom almost has one quilt done, it is soooo awesome! i want to relax and enjoy this special time in my life. i know it will go fast!