relax now?

10weeks 3days today. after a bit of a stressful week, i think i can begin to relax. we heard a heartbeat on thursday. we heard it on wed too. i went in to the dr because i spotted 3 times in a week, wed was the 4th day. the dr wasn't in but told them to listen for a heartbeat. we were suppose to go on thur to the dr, the next day, but i couldn't wait. i was freaking out due to the spotting. happily the nurse found it and all is great. went to my scheduled appointment the next day and he explained that is very common for women to spot or even bleed in their first trimester. he said i could continue to spot for a few more weeks. june 23rd starts my 2nd trimester...can't wait for that day!

still some what nervous. i think it is because we didn't see the baby just heard it. he said that is just as good as seeing it. i can't seem to stop thinking bad things. not all of the time but sometimes. i guess i still have the past in the back of my head. when i think of the past i realize that none of the losses started anything like this. with 2 of my losses i was barely along, i think they were chemical pregnancies. so i know this one is a keeper just wish i could relax and trust. i am getting better at it though. i don't have bad days any more. i get excited thinking of the day she/he arrives and all the people that will be there. i think of what labor will be like. now when it comes to that i pray and think of an easy, epidural for sure, kind of delivery. i think all positive there. so why not now? i think till the spotting is completely gone i will still have it in the back of my mind. i know, it is normal let it go. sometimes easier said than done. when i was spotting once a week it didn't bother me. last week with times, a bit nerve wracking.

i am totally happy and can't wait for all of the fun to start. now that we heard a heartbeat i want to start writing more, doing layouts to remember, buying little things, planning. mom almost has one quilt done, it is soooo awesome! i want to relax and enjoy this special time in my life. i know it will go fast!