Wednesday, March 16, 2011


yeah, i am still stressed. so much on my mind. no way to really get it out right now. feel like i am trapped in this house. feel like no matter what i do i can't get ahead. am i raising liam right? why am i so fat, again? the car payment that we have all the sudden after my ex didn't pay for the jeep and it got repo'd. having to pay more for a new sitter because the other way continuously made me late for work. wishing we made more money. wanting to get out of this friggin house soooo bad!!!!

"oh, that is a part of life. you will just have to deal with it. you learn that way." no...i don't learn...well i do...but i stress and that leads to lack of sleep and that leads to anxiety and that leads to panic attacks. stress is not good for me. i know it isn't for anyone but i stress easily and once i get going it is hard to get back on track. i get depressed. i just want to sleep and not doing anything. it is hard to function. it just flat out sucks.

i honestly feel as if i can't breath. this house makes the past linger and i can't let it go. no one will help. 2 places say we make too much money. ok...that is a new one for me. never been told that in my life. i didn't know these two places were income based or i would have not spent the time looking and a lot of time hoping and thinking how great it would be and then the let down from being excited. why even look into anything if you are going to get turned down? we wanted to move when we get our taxes back. but thanks to the ex, we had to use the majority of it for a down payment for the car. though i am thankful that we had the money when we needed it, it doesn't help that the jackass didn't pay for the jeep like the divorce papers said he should.

maybe i need to talk to someone professional to figure this all out. maybe they can tell me how to stay in this house and try to some how forget that i spent the last 5 to 7 years of our marriage alone in my own home. how i cried myself to sleep because he wanted to watch tv. yeah...i am sure they can help with that and make this house so cozy for me.

why won't anyone help? i'm not learning jack from this.

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