today, well more like tomorrow because i need to go shopping for food, i am starting to watch my food intake. i'm tired of being tired all the time. i'm tired of not finding cute clothes in my size. just tired of being over weight. i'm not planning on losing a ton of weight, don't want that pressure right now, just setting a goal of 75 to beat what i lost before. if i lose more than that then sweet! when i get to my goal weight i may decide to go on but right now my main focus is 75.
i started doing meditation. i'm reading about mindfulness. i believe that these will be what gets me over this anxiety issue that is haunting me. now that i am reading about it, it makes so much since. i worry more than i should. i'm better than i used to be on that, which is surprising having liam. i have too many negative thoughts that go through my head. a lot i need to change. i used to look up quotes on over coming fears and anxiety but realized that i need to stop looking up things like that but sayings and quotes that start with happy words: joy, happiness, love, etc. i need to put in my positive and override the negative. it's a slow process but it will work. i had a very bad panic attack at work the other day. i believe a lot had to do with it but mostly because working on attacking the anxiety and learning how to stop it brings out more anxiety. it's like when you start to take medicine for something and you feel worse at first because the meds i starting to take effect and break things up, that's how it is for the anxiety. i know i will get over this and learn how to control and let go. i need to be in the "now" and not think about the past or the future. i can't control anything in the future but in the now i can. i can control my thoughts and my surroundings.
i'm doing all of this for me and especially these two:
it's going to be great here in a few months in a lot of ways!!!!
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