a couple of months ago we started going to church. i knew i needed to go. i knew that God was tugging at me to go and get back with Him. i've searched for so many answers to the fears and anxieties i have. i bought books, read blogs. thought i could do this on my own. i was saved Christmas Eve 1981 in the back of my parents donut shop. i was baptized a few years after. i missed being in church. i missed how i felt. there is a peace you have when you are in with God. a peace that i wanted and needed back.
the last few weeks i have seen a change in things. it's a slow process. sometimes things don't happen over night, rarely do they. one time i was asking God why don't you heal me? "you need to learn to deal with this." huh???? but now i see what He met. i know He is always with me, i need to remember that. i need to remember to call upon Him and He will guide me. point is, I need HIM! there is a lot that He is going to teach me that I need in order for me to be healed. i have a lot of baggage from over the years. so many times i tried to find the right answers but nothing came.....i'm still where i am. well, i am in a better place than i used to be 6 years go.
i know this till take time but each day i am feeling stronger and braver. i know that i can do this and that God is with me and will heal me. there is a lot that is going on in me and i know that something great is coming. i know it. i feel. it will happen.
i'm tired of living in fears of the highway. fears of being by myself. fears of what if people know that i deal with this, how can that like me? anxiety is nothing but lies. if you don't feel the real fear, like when a tiger is in front of you, then it is a lie. a lie that stops you from doing what you love because of the feelings that come with it. it sucks. but i'm ready to move on. i'm ready to see what i have been missing. i'm learning that when i do panic i am ok and i will be ok. ironically i have had more anxiety and panic lately. God showing me what i need to do? i think so. how else will i learn if i'm not in a panic situation. i've had a lot of anxiety at work lately, a lot!!!! something happened that have stressed me out very badly. in fact my anxiety was so bad one morning i about left. but i stayed. i took a pill and reminded myself that God is with me. i've been praying that God would take the stress and thoughts away about work and he has. i haven't thought about work and what has been going on for 3 days. my mind is clear and i know all is ok with me and my position.
i hope to be writing more now that great things are starting to happen. i hope you check back and read. please feel free to leave some comments and if you have any questions about anxiety, panic, agoraphobia and depression. God is going to do great things with me!