Tuesday, May 04, 2010

this little man

he's in his crib playing right now. he's starting to do more stuff on his own. he loves to put things in his mouth. i give him something and straight to his mouth it goes. yes, he is growing way to fast. but i wouldn't have it any other way.

yesterday was a bit of a trying time. i got up around 9. liam slept till almost 10. i was in a good mood. after i fed him i wanted to start doing the house work that needed to be done. my scrap area is a mess since we pulled up the carpet. i need my creative outlet back so i can unwind and relax. we had to go get gas for the lawn mower and put some money in the bank. i didn't think i would need a bottle. all errands ran within a mile from the house and he had just ate about an hour before. i was wrong. that is what started the downfall of the day. we were 2 blocks from the bank and nothing would satisfy him. by the time we got home he was hot, red and madder than i'll get out. my mood had went to crap by then. he was fussy off and on due to teething. i didn't get one thing done that i wanted to. i was then fussy. eric, god love him, mowed the grass. folded the laudry. loaded the dish washer. and comforted me while i texted him from the bedroom how i felt overwhelmed. i decided a trip to sonic would help me feel a bit better. i needed to get out of the house.

i don't like a messy, cluttered home. people that have seen it recently would think "uhh, ok." but i don't. it stresses me way out. finally after the city wide clean up and purging a lot of crap, i am feeling a bit better about this house. there are still a lot of things i want to do with it. i haven't liked this house for a lot of years. too many unhappy memories here of how life used to be. i guess i just let things go because to me this house is a bad memory. bad memories aren't pretty. they aren't decorated with pictures. they aren't painted pretty colors that are inviting. so i let it go. and now i want to make it a home again. i hope it isn't too late. i do have a lot in mind. i want to redo all of it to get rid of some of the memories. paint over the old and bring the new. all in time. as i erase the inside, the outside will erase too and become more clearer and bolder like it should be.

the man calls. my time here is up for now.

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