Friday, January 14, 2011

oh my heart.

we found out on 1/13/11 that i had miscarried. this is my 4th loss. i didn't think i would have any problems with another miscarriage since i had liam and all came out ok with him. but we don't always know what is going to happen. so i decided that i don't want to get pregnant again. i may change my mind but for now i don't. i can't go through this again. 4 times was enough. the wondering. the waiting. the stress. i hate it all.

i am so thankful for liam. so thankful that i had no complications and he is a healthy toddler today. thankful that god gave me this one child that swells my heart with love and happiness. thankful that i had one time in my life to feel a baby move inside me. thankful that i got to hold my newborn son. thankful for 6 weeks off and bonding time with him. thankful that i am a mother. thankful for our miracle.

there is so much i am thankful for but i still hurt. i wanted to give him a sibling but i don't see that happening. god has other plans and that is ok. maybe this was to show me that we have what we need and what we can afford. i don't know why things happen but they do for a reason. we may not like the reason but we have to get back up and carry on. slowly and slowly time passes and things return to normal.

i am just so thankful for liam jackson!

1 comment:

MommyBelle said...

I'm so sorry to hear about the miscarriage. You have a very wonderful way of accepting it and also grieving for it as well. I hope that spending time with your wonderful Liam will help ease the pain. Thinking of you <3