Monday, October 18, 2010


he is the reason i am so happy. beyond happy. sometimes i wonder  how eric and i could make something so perfect and amazing. i hope i am doing what i can for him. i feel as if i don't spend the time i need to with him. he perfers eric to put him to sleep at night. it was me the first 3 months or so that soothed him to sleep. now he wants his daddy's broad shoulders.

i get stressed out easily. i guess it is generalized anxiety disorder that does it. i usually take on too much in my mind...worrying about one thing and another over and over...and end up stressed. eric takes over and lets me do my thing to wind down. i feel as if i do fail him at times. like tonight. we did take him outside. i pushed him in the wagon. took pictures of him, the one above came from it. i change him. but i feel like i don't do enough. i let eric take over while i cook, clean, etc. he says he thinks he doesn't do enough. actually we both probably do the same amount as each other.

i want to be a great mother and i know that it takes more than just being right there all the time. it means laundry. cleaning. making sure we have enough cash to get formula and food. i'm always so flippin' hard on myself and i wish it was something i could ease up on. it doesn't seem so easy though.

as eric holds him, i hope liam knows that i am still here and love him so much. i know he does. my heart sometimes wishes i could be supermom and do it all fast to spend each moment with him. i know i can't. for now life will go on as it is and i will keep up my duties as a mom and he will know i love him more and more each day.

now for some more pictures from today that i totally love.

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