looking back on 2009

this was the best year of my life. we started out the year thinking of our wedding. no, he hasn't asked yet. once he gets the ring he will...love layaway lol. i had bought a couple of things for it, candles at valentine's that would be great on a table. then at the end of april we found out i was pregnant. yes, i was scared at first. after 3 loses i didn't know how to think or feel. then in the first part of june we saw his heart beat and it was real and going to happen. it's been an exciting ride. no problems. no morning sickness. nothing. and now on the 31st my son is here and i am loving life. we have no plans for tonight to celebrate the new year and that is fine with me. all i ever wanted i have now so who needs to party when i am happy to be at home with my 2 guys!

i can only imagine what next year will bring. liam getting bigger. his first of everything will happen and i can't wait. though i want the time to go slow. i want to cherish each day with him. he is my miracle. thank you god for making 2009 the best year of my life.

and now some random pictures

now that all is updated, i will post daily if not every other day pictures and updates. one thing...he hates walmart. cries everytime we are there. he knows momma feels the same way and wishes she could cry there too...well when she is at work.

here's a picture of him in a cute little outfit:

mommy and dad were in ku sweatshirts today, so i had to put him in this:

hanging on to momma for dear life!

relaxed and snoozin!

his first dr appointment

his first appointment was yesterday the 29th., his due date actually. he is now up to 8lbs and almost 19 inches long. he looked a little yellow to the dr so she has blood drawn to check his beliruben (sp). all is good.  no problems. he is a healthy little man. here he is on the table waiting to be measured.

he does not like to be naked!

christmas day

we didn't go anywhere for christmas since the weather was bad. i didn't want to take a chance falling nor did i want to get him out in it. so we stayed home and relaxed. here he is in his outfit for the day:

little reindeer feet!

the day my life changed

yep...been a while since i posted. been busy with liam and enjoying being a mother. i hope i can update each day with things that are happening and pictures.

i'll never forget december 21st., 2009. the day my life changed. the day i finally became a mother. we went in at 8am to be induced. after 7 hours of pictocin i never onced dialated. so c-section it was. i though i would have to have one since he was still high and i was closed. but even though it is in the back of you mind, you don't know what it is like till it's time. from the time dr told me he was doing a c-section and liam was out, was within 30 mintues. i freaked out when they told me i would be recovering in icu. it was after 5 and the recovery room in the ob was closed. i panicked. freaked. eric was there through it all. he told the dr's to get him if i started getting bad again in the operating room. never. never has anyone done that. he held me and told me it would be ok. he demanded for them to go get him. he stayed by me as much as he could. i have never felt more safe with anyone as i did that day. my prince. god i love him more than life. it is important to me to have someone that understands and that will be there and not yell at me when i am anxious and panicking.

so the c-section got under way. the shot to deaden my back wasn't bad. the feel of your legs going numb...weird. they felt like they were getting sleepy, tingly weird feeling and then boom....they are as heavy as a log. i tried to wiggle my toes so i would know i could still move the and not panic but that didn't happen lol. i didn't feel anything but pressure. man, the feeling of them pulling and tugging, totally wild. it felt at times like they moved my bottom part of my abs to my chest. hard to discribe. then within minutes i heard the best sound in the world, his cry. i cried. i was afraid to cry too hard that i wouldn't be able to breathe lol. they walked him by as they took him to get cleaned up and such. to me he looked huge but it was the way they were holding him i guess bc he weight 7lbs 12.5 oz. 18 inches long. they brought him in for us to see and then eric took him to the nursery. i wish someone had a video camera and taped him walking to the nursery, i would have loved to see that.

i went up to icu and an hour later came back down and was finally able to get a good look at liam. i got a half look before they took me up. he is so beautiful. my little boy. the one i prayed about and wished for, for so many years was finally here in my arms. that night we had him stay in the nursery since we were so worn out. by 8am i was up and ready to see him.

the c-section wasn't bad at all. the first night was rough getting around but i'm strong and a fighter and 9 days after all is great and yes, i would do it again! i am so happy that he is here and finally with us. the 9 months did go by fast. only at the end did i want it over with. i got tired of not being able to do things and hated relying on eric for a lot, ex...putting on shoes and socks.

some pictures of the day:
momma holding him.

grandma tilley

3 generations!

grandma robson

flower from my dr.

grandpa robson

liam's cousins: sierra and brianna

my nurses and goals for the day....love the cuddle baby!

our stork dinner

going home! (i was so tired. slept maybe an hour) i was so ready to go home.

and now to enjoy life with my men!

christmas trees and ornaments

i am hoping we can get the tree up with all we need to do. so hopefully this will inspire me lol. love the look on the cat's face in the lower picture.

1. christmas tree., 2. the pink christmas tree! , 3. Baby christmas tree, 4. christmas tree, 5. Day 337 - white christmas (tree), 6. christmas tree, 7. CHRISTMAS TREES 2008, 8. christmas tree 078, 9. day51 - "OH CHRISTMAS TREE", 10. Danya's first indoor christmas tree, 11. christmas tree..., 12. christmas_tree

2 days to go

and i am still sick. head cold and a cough. had it. i have so much to do around here, i don't have time for a cold. i'm off work till feb 9th. yay!!!! i had mixed emotions last night basically because i realized that there are just 2 days left. reality hit and i was like OMG. but i am happy to be off work and not deal with any more customers this holiday season as an employee. we have to go in tomorrow to get stuff for the hospital. i got a robe i wanted from my secret santa. now to find a cute night gown to wear. i would like to wear pants but can you after you have given birth? do they check you a lot? i feel like he has moved down more. i am anxious to see if i am dialated yet. i hope i go in at least 1cm dialated.

tonight's plans: get his room finished. tomorrow night put together things like the swing, bouncer and stroller. today the plan is to find place for the rest of these boxes and stuff. i didn't realize how small the house his till we got started with his room. i am definately having a rummage sale come spring time. ohhhh yeah!!!!!

getting nervous about monday. not sure what all will happen. though no one knows. every delivery is different. i pray every night for a fast, smooth, painless as possible delivery. you know, i can't believe i have not had an ounce of any kind of trouble. no high blood pressure. no gd. nothing. so blessed and know god had a huge hand in that. i am a true testimony to what god can and will do. prayer....you must do it and you must believe it will be heard.

wish i could predict the future!

or at least liam's birth. after today's appointment i am a bit nervous since he is still high, yet the dr can feel his head. he told me to keep a c-section in the back of my head. i don't want to go through hours of seeing if i will dialate but if that what we have to do that's what we have to do. i think was bothers me the most is that i have NO control over anything that happens and that doesn't make me a happy woman lol. i am a control freak. i want it this way or no other way. but i have to give that up and have faith in the nurses and dr as they know way much more than i do. i mean years of discovery health doesn't qualify you for anything but time spent on the tv :)

his room is almost done. yes, we are still working on it. it will be done when he comes home that is for sure. we both put things off till the last moment. i didn't' have a dr for liam till i went in on monday and talked to the people at community health. we will meet the dr on thursday. i've always waited till the last minute to do anything. i work better that way. just how i am and probably how i will be.

can't wait till monday is here and we can get the ball rolling for him to arrive. i'm always anxious and my mind goes nuts when i am expecting something huge. i do it for a week or so. the what if's and such. now it is like "i need to have the house spotless. i need to do this...need to do that." tiring i tell ya. we have a small house so until we find a place to put a lot of this stuff, the dining room and garage will be packed. we were really looking forward to the city wide clean up but they didn't have one in october like they used to. i'm sure we'll hit them up in the spring though!

i'm trying not to freak out and just remain calm. the last thing i want is to panic and since i can't have my meds for a panic attack, i need to remain calm. this is teaching me what i need to do anyways. i can't and shouldn't rely on a medicine to make me feel what i need to feel. it is up to me.

decorating

so i wanted to decorate the house for christmas since liam will be here. but there is so much to do as it is that i will be lucky to get the tree up. still a lot i want to do around here. i don't want the house to be cluttered when people come over but i guess it will have to be. boxes mainly. don't know where to put a lot of this stuff. it's only going to get worse as liam gets older so must decide what to do with it. maybe in the spring i will have a massive rummage sale. maybe i will give a lot of my scrapbook stuff to eric's family that scraps (well that will probably happen since i have a ton more in the back room that needs to gone through.). i hoard my scrapbook stuff, yes i admit it. i don't like using things because "hey, what if there is something better to scrap later?" that theory has to go down the drain. i have a ton of stuff behind me that needs to be used....a few draws that need to be gone through as well. so i will use the cool stuff now cause it stresses me out seeing all of this with no place to go. and not to mention i had to "buy it" so it needs to be used.

back to decorating. i need to find a cute "baby's 1st christmas" ornament. i'll try hallmark. saw a lot of cute ones there. eric's mom has an ornament for him already. i told eric that i want to get him one each year from hallmark. i want to start some traditions this year. not sure what all we can do with a newborn, but we can start with an ornament. next year i will get lights on the house and decorate inside. too much going on right now to put time into that when the time can be spent on what really needs to be done...his room. we're almost there. we're last minute people what can i say? :)

too high!

today's 37th week appointment was awesome. it was awesome to see him on the sonogram. we got to see him wave. he is really high up, highest the dr has ever seen. that's my boy! so that puts me in a high rate of having a c-section. i haven't dialated. cervix is still high but soft. he thinks i could go at any time. baby is measuring about 8.5lbs from the sonogram but dr thinks he is around 7.5lbs. so i hope the little man can fit into some of his newborn clothes before he grows completely out of them :) to tell you the truth, i think i would rather have a c-section rather than wait for hours to see if i will progress or not. sounds crazy i know, but i would rather him just schedule the c-section then get me in there, pictocin going, get to maybe 3 cm and then nothing. waste of time to me. i know it is major surgery and recovery time but if he is so high up why take the chance?

i'm am a bit surprised at myself, as i am sure other are too, that i am not freaking out and panicking right now...actually throughout the whole pregnancy. i worried about everything and i have some during this pregnancy which is normal, but there is a peace that i have had for so long that i don't really fear that much. the only thing that i really fear is freaking out and panicking if i have a c-section and being not able to move while they are getting him out. not too keen on the whole epidural numbing you towhere you can't move your legs but i would rather have that then the pain. but the c-section will feel worse since i hear it is a spinal. a walking epidural would be fabulous but i'm pretty sure you can't have one with a c-section. however he has to come out is fine with me. i just want him to be here and to start experiencing life as a mother.

i did a couple of layouts the other night.

now i think i will complete these downloads and maybe do a layout. tired today after a busy, exciting day.

feeling christmasy

hense the new background change! love hearing the christmas music like ever before. makes me even more excited for christmas to come this year since liam will be here. i want to go out and look at lights but when it is cold outside it is hard to get up and go outside.

last night i went to the hospital. i thought i was having contractions and i was. however, they were mild and i still haven't dialated yet sooo. at least now i know what contractions feel like. i have wondered a while now what they feel like. i was running a slight fever too. not sure what they was fun. so after being hooked up to the monitor, i went home feeling kinda dumb. i'm sure i am not the only person going up there thinking something is going on. i didn't think i was in labor but i didn't know what these feeling were. i freaked eric out. i called him and said "i think maybe we should go to the hopital. they are 11 minutes apart." and be the time we get there they stop. i had small ones but nothing else. the nurse said i will be experiencing them till i deliever. she told me what to look for and when to call or come in. a feel better knowing that.

tomorrow we go to the dr for my 37th week checkup. he will check to see if i am dialate...highly doubt i will in 48 hours lol and do a sonogram to see how he is positioned. i can't wait to see him. if he said "let's do this tomorrow" as in delivering, i would have no problem with that. i am tired and being tired and no energy to do anything. house is a mess. a lot i want to do but no energy to do anything. where's that nesting thing and when will it kick in? lol

the beginning of my 25 days of Christmas album

I'm not sure if I will be able to finish it after the 21st when he gets here, but it is still fun to work on. Hopefully I will be able to. If I write down some ideas then all I have to do it do it. Are are days 1 and 2. 3 will come tonight after I work on his room.

Lots of fun. These are made from freebies, where....I can't remember. Ok...now to clean then back to day 3!

the best christmas present ever is coming

on december 21st! went to the dr today to see about this swelling I have been having. my feet were swelling off and on then my hands started. dr told me to come in if my face was swollen but my hands....they were huge so i called and they had me come in today. everything looks great. he doesn't think i have preclampsia since my blood pressure is fine and i lost a pound. i asked him if he thought the baby would be here before christmas and he said yes and what day was i thinking? for some reason i wanted the 20th all along but since it is on a sunday i said the 21st. so he called the hospital and got it set up. he said since it is that time of year alot of women will want to be induced because they won't want to be in the hospital on christmas. the hospital only allows 2 inductions a day so we better get me on the list now before it fills up.

i am totally excited and can't wait. it is going to be the best christmas ever. today we will get the rest of his room done and hopefully paint on thursday. sometime soon i want to get the tree up and decorate it but not sure where we will put it. still a lot to do in the house but as long as the room gets done that is all i care about. the rest can come later. it isn't that bad just need to move a few things around and get rid of boxes.

i'm going to make the 18th my last day at work. that will give me a full paycheck and two days off to relax and prepare for the 21st. now that i know when he will be here, i will be able to work a little better knowing i have x amount of days to go. hope it helps because i need something to get me by on those 8 hour days!

going to start on my 25 days of christmas album that i started last year and didn't finish. i got the book done but nothing it in. i am soooo freaking happy he will be here for christmas!