Tuesday, December 15, 2009

wish i could predict the future!

or at least liam's birth. after today's appointment i am a bit nervous since he is still high, yet the dr can feel his head. he told me to keep a c-section in the back of my head. i don't want to go through hours of seeing if i will dialate but if that what we have to do that's what we have to do. i think was bothers me the most is that i have NO control over anything that happens and that doesn't make me a happy woman lol. i am a control freak. i want it this way or no other way. but i have to give that up and have faith in the nurses and dr as they know way much more than i do. i mean years of discovery health doesn't qualify you for anything but time spent on the tv :)

his room is almost done. yes, we are still working on it. it will be done when he comes home that is for sure. we both put things off till the last moment. i didn't' have a dr for liam till i went in on monday and talked to the people at community health. we will meet the dr on thursday. i've always waited till the last minute to do anything. i work better that way. just how i am and probably how i will be.

can't wait till monday is here and we can get the ball rolling for him to arrive. i'm always anxious and my mind goes nuts when i am expecting something huge. i do it for a week or so. the what if's and such. now it is like "i need to have the house spotless. i need to do this...need to do that." tiring i tell ya. we have a small house so until we find a place to put a lot of this stuff, the dining room and garage will be packed. we were really looking forward to the city wide clean up but they didn't have one in october like they used to. i'm sure we'll hit them up in the spring though!

i'm trying not to freak out and just remain calm. the last thing i want is to panic and since i can't have my meds for a panic attack, i need to remain calm. this is teaching me what i need to do anyways. i can't and shouldn't rely on a medicine to make me feel what i need to feel. it is up to me.

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