30 days

one month till he is here. i'm excited for the 8th's appointment to see how he is laying. that day i will ask the dr when we can hopefully expect him to be here. i'm getting more excited each day. i can't believe how fast all of this went. it seems like yesterday we were announcing i was pregnant. once he gets here if time can slow just a bit while i am off to soak in all of the newness!

the count down has started!

31 days????

yesterday wasn't a good day for me emotionally. i kept it in but not sure how. i wanted to cry on the way to mazzios to eat. wanted to cry at work. i was really tired since i was up a lot going to the bathroom. i didn't let myself cry though. i try to knock as much off my mind as possible. if i don't then fear comes in and makes it hell in my life. since i can't have any klonopin if i have a panic attack, i get my mind off of it so i don't panic. a really good thing about this, it is teaching me to let things roll off my back and not panic. i would like to be off of meds but i know that isn't possible. i can't believe it's been since may that i have taken a klonopin. i have taught myself that i can do this without that med. now for the lexapro...i need that or the depression will kick back in.

had a great thanksgiving. got totally stuffed as usual and ate way too much. i thought a lot while we were all together how great it would be if liam would be here for christmas. when i go to the dr on the 8th i'll ask him about it...see if he thinks he may be here before then. i hope so and definately by the end of the year for the tax break we desperately need :)

very thankful

today i am very thankful for a lot of things in my life.
*in a few short weeks i will be a mother.
*eric for changing my life.
*for god bringing me eric and saving me from only he knows what could have happened.
*friends. without them i would be lost and scared. they bring me good advice and happiness.
*family. having great set of parents and family makes my life complete.
*a job that allowed me to meet new friends and find old ones.

there's so much more...the little things we don't really realize each day: sunsets, the sky, warm weather, the internet, food, clothing, art, expressing yourself.

life is wonderful. i am cherishing each day...even if i can't walk that well and my ankles are swollen :)

do not open till

i can't find a digital kit with "do not open till december 25th" in it. so i made this layout and just went with it. changed the 25th to 29th. i think he will be early though ;0

now to work on another layout before we head to lunch then work. short shift...love them!

a good dr appointment

yesterday's appointment went good. i am retaining a little water. gained 6lbs...probably the water. i haven't drank as much as i should lately and believe me i will be now! in 2 weeks i get a sonogram to see how he is positioned. i am getting nervous now. it is getting closer every day. i am hoping the nesting takes place soon so i can get some energy to do more than just a little bit around here. the washer went out, sucks, hopefully it won't be much to fix. who knows! i'm not too worried about his room. we just need to clear the area out in the dining room for my scrap stuff and then we will start moving things out and then paint. really isn't that much stuff, just a lot of containers.

can't wait till thanksgiving. he will be here next thanksgiving...can't wait! i really do hope he is here for christmas. i believe god blesses us in ways we never really think is a total blessing till we look at it and believe. i used to love the holidays. the trees. lights. gifts. then my ex got me into the blah humbug of it. he always moaned about how he hated it all. stopped helping me put up the tree, etc. after a few years i just gave up and said screw it. he said he never liked the holidays once his dad died. i am sure that does affect someone but it was like he never made an effort to enjoy it with me. now i can have what i always dreamed about. i have a great boyfriend, whom i will marry next year. his family is awesome. we want the same dreams. we fit so much better. now i will have my holidays back. love it! we can't afford a lot for christmas this year but to me any more it isn't about gifts, it is about family and enjoying the seaon with them. from thanksgiving to christmas it is a time to spend with loved ones and friends. throughout the year it is so hard to meet up so it is important to during the holidays. i would rather have 2 hours with my family then something that will sit around the house, be used a few times and then left alone. i have learned over the years that it is quality of time we spend together. i hope to teach liam that this isn't about gifts, its about giving. giving our love to our family. giving our hearts to people that need it. giving back to the ones that helped us. it dosen't have to be much, just let them know that you appreciate them and what they mean to you.

i am so thankful for my changing life and what is going to come. i can't believe how this last year has changed my life for the better. sometimes we have to put up with the crap for a while to get a very happy ending. i am so ready to see what else will be happening when liam arrives. god is awesome.

i love freebies

I found so many over at Oscraps. I can't wait to work with them. They have some great designers over there too. I want to buy some kits and make some things. I would like to do Cheryl's challenges today but not going to be able to. She has lots of fun challenges for today. Guess I can work on them a little at a time. I love challenges. They really help you get out of that funk you're in when you don't know what to use or scrap!

I got my leave of absense papers for work. I need to have the dr fill his part out and then we are good to go for when Liam decides to arrive. I wish I was getting a sonogram on Tuesday but it just a normal visit.

Top 5 reasons why I am looking forward to being a mother.
1. The delivery. Though it scares the heck out of me, I am really looking forward to giving birth and seeing his face for the first time.
2. To finally be in the club of all clubs. To finally understand what people are talking about when they say it is a love you will never know.
3. To have something that is a part of me.
4. To watch him grow. I know it will go so fast so I will have my camera handy and remember each day for the rest of my life.
5. To hold him in my arms and cuddle. To smell him.

The best part of my life is happening in a little over a month and I am totally ready for it!

still a kickin

man how time has flown just since the shower! i can't believe there is less than 6 weeks to go. i am totally ready. i am ready to have my body back for one. it's hard to work with no energy and not able to fully bend over. i am so thankful for everyone at work that is patient and understanding. i hate complaining about anything related to pregnancy since this is our miracle but yeah...i am pooped and ready to pop!

i've been thinking once again if i should get rid of all my paper stuff and just digital scrapbook. digital is more economical, less space, and no waste. i was thinking the other day that paper stuff i just so expensive. if you want a new line of papers, and such, it can cost soooo much money just for a few things. i can buy kits and print my layouts off for less money. so then it got me to thinking...should i try out for some design teams???? i think i might venture off to some sites and see who is looking for what. i miss the dt days. if i have been thinking about not paper scrapping for so long, then maybe it is a sign to just do digital and save space and money.

i got to thinking

I hope Liam is born before Christmas. This would be my first Christmas as a mother and our first Christmas as a family if he came on time. If not it will be next year but this year would  be awesome! I can't believe in a few short weeks we will be a family. My life will be complete...well when Eric and I get married then it will. But Liam being here will make it the best time of my life.

I am going to decorate the house and put the tree up. We will get him a few presents for one of us to open once he is here. I know he won't have a clue as to what is going on but we will. Next holiday season will be wonderful. I once dreaded the holidays but now my favorite time of the year is back and I am so happy!

5 things i would love

I got this idea from here. I want to start doing this more since it was really fun and opened my eyes up to things. Thanks so much Lain...notice the capitals? :)

1. Have a clean, spotless house.

I am so not one to clean. I hate it. Well once it is clean i love the way it looks. Just wish some people would help me to keep it that way lol. I am going to try my hardest when Liam arrives to keep it clean, especially since people will be coming over. It will take a lot of work getting there, since I need to throw so much away, but it will be worth it in the long run!

2. Stay at home mom.

Nothing would make me more happen then to stay at home and tend to house work and Liam. But since I can't, it will be a dream to have for now.

3. Financially secure

One thing I hate the most is having to worry about money. What can we pay this paycheck, what can wait. I'd love for one day to sit down and write out checks for bills without any worries.

4. To be a great cook.

I love to cook but with my tiny kitchen it is so hard to do. It's a challenge sometimes to just make 3 things that are simple for dinner. No space makes it so hard. I would like to learn new recipes. I get tired of fixing the samethings a lot. My oven needs the themometer fixed. Till then I can't bake anything because the tempature will rise so fast. You have to babysit it just to make a pizza.

5. Travel

Now that life is great, I want to be able to pick up and go to Coffeyville on our days off. Go to Joplin to shop. Go to KC to a concert. Things a normal person can do but an agroaphobic can't. Yeah, it sucks but I hope to one day do these all again.

what's happening around here???

almost 6 weeks left till the little man is due to arrive. i'm trying not to complain about things. the house. his room not being done. being really tired. having to work. i am very thankful for all that is going on. if i was pregnancy years before this, i won't have the support that i do now. god knows what he is doing. i pray nearly every night for a healthy pregnancy. for a fast, smooth, painless as possible delivery. so far all has been answered. i truly believe he is a gift from god. i know god believes it is time for me to start living a life i was meant to live. i was in a marriage where i wasn't happy at all. the only thing that made me happy was shopping and buying things that made me happy for a moment. i was tired of it for so many years but too afraid to do anything due to my anxiety disorder.

one thing i have learned from this pregnancy is to watch my thinking. i haven't thought too much about the negative of what may happen. now i did at first because of my history of loses. but now i try not to think about everything. i try to stay positive. even if the house is crap. his room isn't done. etc. there is only so much i can do and i do what i can with the energy i have. at times i want to cry but i don't. i focus on something else. i feel this is a gift from god so i feel guilty if i complain.

my next appointment is the tues before thanksgiving. then in 2 weeks we get a sonogram to see where he is positioned. i hope he is head done. i feel he is. then after that appointment is one week then another week....that last week is dec 22nd! i can't believe how fast this is going. eric did promise me that it all will be done by then. i sure hope so. i am ready to decorate his room and get the crib set up. like i have said a million times...i can't wait till he is here!

what a shower

i had a great time on saturday meeting new family members of eric's i've never met and being around friends. i got a lot of great goodies, well liam did, so we are ready for him to arrive....well kinda. lol. the lazy, too tired to do anything, is putting off doing anything still. i need to get crates to put my scrapbook stuff in or maybe just some boxes from work. i am so ready anxious to work on his room just not anxious enough to fight the tiredness.
here are some pics from the shower. eric took a few before he sat with me to open presents. his mom took a lot, can't wait to see them.

my mom made the cake.

a partial amount of the gifts. this was taken before everyone arrived.

eric's grandma, my mom, me sitting with the gals from work (stephanie, ashley and kristin) him mom and sister.

we played a game called "bun in the oven" everytime someone said baby we had to pass the cinnoman buns.

and me 8 months preggo's, taken before we left for the shower.

thank you so much aimee for putting this together for me. i had a great time. i was so glad that carla was able to make it down. next step on this pregnancy ride, a baby. now the count down!

another day at the park

i love going to the park and taking pictures. the ducks and geese crack me up. i can't wait till we can take liam to the park.
here are some of the photos i took today. i wish i could have gotten out sooner before all the leaves fell off. oh well.

that is it for this post. feeling blah tonight. think i will just to to sleep and dream of my baby and eric.

8 months

i can not believe that i am 8 months pregnant. it is so hard to believe at times that i will soon be a mother. i know i say that a lot but it is true. i can't believe it at times. the years i tried and longed for a baby is finally here. god is great. i pray every night for him to watch over liam and this pregnancy and he has. what would i do without him?

i did this layout the other day about water. dr says i need to drink more and i try my hardest to get atleast 60oz a day in, sometimes 80 if i'm lucky. i don't drink tea that much any more. i am having one now and i'm loving it.

i had a short night tonight ato work so i think i will finish up the guestbook for the baby shower this saturday. omg time is going by so fast. he will be here before i know it.

a little something for liam's room

i'm going to print this off and hang it in his room.

1. Vintage LEGO Letter L, 2. Ozarkland: L, 3. The Letter L, 4. ..{ L is For ‘‘ Love ’’ ..♥.., 5. letter L, 6. City Carpet Letter L, 7. letter L, 8. Custom 7 inch "L", 9. Go to L, 10. L is for LOSER, 11. L-etter, 12. The letter L, 13. The letter L, 14. L, 15. L, 16. L, 17. L, 18. blue and yellow felt initial L ornament, 19. L, 20. "L" Bleekers Bowl ~ Evergreen Park, IL.

off to do a digital page or two and then get ready for class tonight. going to learn how to breath!

what a fun halloween

last year i wanted to dress up but couldn't. we didn't work that day due to a gas leak in the gas pipes. so this year i wanted to do something. i didn't want to be a witch, though there were some cool costumes. plus, with this pregnant belly what is going to fit? so i opted for this.....a tony stewart fan.
my face at the beginning:

in the car on the way to work:

and then at work. the sign on my stomach says "future tony stewart fan inside"

i know he isn't #20 any more but i have more 20 stuff than 14. only one person commented on that. had fun and that is all that mattered. by the end of the night i was so ready for that hat to come off. i almost hit eric and another guy in the head with the flag, kept forgetting i had it, well that it was that long.

now to find some digital halloween papers to make a layout!