31 days????

yesterday wasn't a good day for me emotionally. i kept it in but not sure how. i wanted to cry on the way to mazzios to eat. wanted to cry at work. i was really tired since i was up a lot going to the bathroom. i didn't let myself cry though. i try to knock as much off my mind as possible. if i don't then fear comes in and makes it hell in my life. since i can't have any klonopin if i have a panic attack, i get my mind off of it so i don't panic. a really good thing about this, it is teaching me to let things roll off my back and not panic. i would like to be off of meds but i know that isn't possible. i can't believe it's been since may that i have taken a klonopin. i have taught myself that i can do this without that med. now for the lexapro...i need that or the depression will kick back in.

had a great thanksgiving. got totally stuffed as usual and ate way too much. i thought a lot while we were all together how great it would be if liam would be here for christmas. when i go to the dr on the 8th i'll ask him about it...see if he thinks he may be here before then. i hope so and definately by the end of the year for the tax break we desperately need :)