quote

i love this quote. i must use it on a layout!
“No one could ever understand our bond, after all, you are the only one to have ever heard my heart beat from the inside…” Author Unknown.

remember

had to do a layout so i could remember those tiny feet and hands. oh how i love them so!

a digital layout.

i finally put up his 9 week picture today. slacking just a tad. i saw a tiny baby at work the other day. i asked the lady how old the little boy was, 10 days. he weighed 3 ounces more than liam and was 2 inches longer. i can't believe he was that small. it's like i can't remember it. i can only see him now as this huge baby.

the last couple of days he has slept till about 10:30. i was ready for him to wake up yesterday so i could hold him. he pretty much goes to sleep when we get home at night. he wakes up a couple of times to eat. this morning he slept from 11 to 5:30. he's sleeping now. i did feed him around 7:30. i'm ready for him to wake up so i can spend some time with him. now i really look forward to our days off to spend time with him.

lucky pictures

1. Lucky rings., 2. Lucky Charm, 3. lucky charms, 4. FAA Blue Lucky Parcels - Sending, 5. Lucky Owlie, 6. Lucky Flame, 7. Do you feel lucky, punk?, 8. :- You lucky, lucky *******, 9. Micro Mini Rainbow Origami Lucky Star Charm

lucky

right now i am feeling so lucky. lucky that i have the world's most awesome man soon to be my husband. lucky to have liam. i never thought i would be a mother and it is the best! lucky to have the most understanding, loving parents. lucky to soon be a part of a family that i love dearly. lucky to have awesome friends that are always there for me. lucky to have found a sitter that will be great for liam. lucky to be in love for the first time ever. lucky that i have the life that i wanted. life is wonderful. i am so lucky!

his crib and mobile

he loves his mobile. when he is fussy and needs some lovin', sometimes i put him in his crib and turn on the mobile and music. he coo's. smiles. he loves it!

here's what it looks like when the lights are out.

i finished a paper layout that i started a few weeks ago. i hadn't charged The Slice in a while and it wasn't setting right. well didn't think to recharge it till i read the instructions. major, duh!!!

tonight we are meeting with another woman to watch liam. the one we met on friday, her schedule is really close to our's and i am afraid we won't make it to work on time. she also comes recommened from a friend that takes her little girl to her. there is nothing wrong with the one we met, just the schedule. she gets out of class at 2 and 4. somedays i go in at 2 and so does eric. speaking of work, i am back up to 33 hours, at least for the new schedule. eric is still around 20 hours. this will not work! how do they think that we can afford day care, food, diapers, etc with him getting 20 hours a week? totally insane! why walmart doesn't hire people full time is beyond me. well, they do but there are very, very few positions that are full time. i really wish i could get out of this town and make a new start in a different town. pittsburg won't let anyone advance unless you know the right people. i hate it!

then and now

at the message board i go to at babycenter.com, someone started a post about pictures of your baby then and now. great idea. let's see what he looked like 2 months ago.

 the day he was born.

2 months later....

ahhh, my babies growing so fast.

happy 2 months little man

today we are watching nascar and chilling. he stayed in his swing for an hour today! big accomplishment. he usually wants out in about 5 minutes.

do you ever wonder if this is what they see while they are swinging?

all blurry and out of fucus??? who knows!

its hard for me to get some scrapbooking time in. if he wants to be held i will come to the computer and digital scrap. did this today while he wanted to sit up and look around.

off to finish lunch and do some paper scrapping!

trust

trust. noun. 1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence. 2. the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust. 3. charge, custody, or care: to leave valuables in someone's trust.

trust is hard for me. always has been. it's mainly due to my anxiety and thinking people wouldn't understand so i didn't trust that they would have an open mind and understand. yes, that came from experience of people that didn't understand. i couldn't trust them to understand, care, be there for me. would they pull over in the car if i started to feel anxious? would they let me take a break if i felt anxious?

then i had a son. i had to trust a lot of people. the dr. was he making the best decisions for me and my son? the nurses. the hospital. mainly myself. you have this little human to take care of. to make the right choices for. when you are new at it there are a lot of questions and a lot of answers that you have to find yourself.

i put my trust in someone. i trusted they would be there. they would understand. they would listen. a major fail! when you can't get a word in edge wise to explain things, how can you trust that person? they don't want to hear what you have to say. all they care about at that point is themselves. they don't care if a child is involved. they don't care about feelings. they want to do what they want and that is it. how can you trust anyone that does that? there are a lot of things that come with trust: understanding, listening, being there, caring. i trust my son, my first child, with someone that didn't do any of the above yet it is all my fault that they are upset. but you know...when you think about it...they don't trust themselves or the ones around them. how can they understand what trust is?

so now here i am trusting 2 people, starting next week, to watch liam. one person i know through a co-worker, one from a friend that highly recommends her. i am trusting these people to watch him and make sure he is well taken care of while i am at work. i am trusting the people that recommended them. this isn't easy for me especially now after what happened. but i know i have to let go of what happened and realize that not everyone is like this person. that there are people out there that are loving and caring and understanding. you can't let one bad experience stop you from going on. there are more good than bad ones out there.

i know this person doesn't realize what she did. i know she doesn't see my side, only her's. The effects of that day has erased all trust that i had in that person and her spouse. it is sad that they won't listen or try to understand the other side. how can i trust when you say no one smoked around liam when his clothes and blanket smell of smoke? what else was done that i don't know about? and what is more sad than that, being threatened by someone that is suppose to be your family to do something that would wreck a family in more ways than one.

people don't stop and look at the whole picture before words are thrown out. yes, i haven been guilty of that myself. but don't say things about me when you are the same. my house isn't the best and from what i hear neither is their's. i've been hurt so bad by words and mistrust. i had my doubts and i should have stuck with them but i thought i was doing a good thing since this person needed a job. i put my trust in and i got screwed.

after this post i won't talk about it any more. after writing this i won't let it bother me. i am sure that they don't care themselves so why should i keep on thinking about it? it's over with. time to go on with my life and know there are others out there that i can trust and will do me right.

word!

breathe

 from http://www.flickr.com/photos/kimklassen/4365786120/

just breathe. after the last couple of days and all that has happened, one thing i learned for sure is to just breathe....it will all be ok. with the help of my parents, his family and my friends, we got through one of the hardest things we have been through as a couple. when you put your trust and love into someone and it goes wrong, it hurts so bad. to be told hurtful things by someone that is suppose to love you unconditionally, your heart wants to explode with pain. breathe....it will be ok.

i have today off. eric has to work a short day shift. his mom is here to help us with liam when we had to work last night. so she is staying with me and liam today while eric is at work. i hope to get a little scrapbooking done today. i've been dying to play with my Slice. michaels had the Slice and its accessories for 40% off this week! no extra cash this pay period. work better give us more hours or things won't be good. eric is averaging 20 to 25, me 25 to 27. soooo things have to pick up and soon!

i can

taken from notebook doodles.

there were times in my life where i didn't think i could do much of anything. i didn't think i could be happy. i didn't think i could have a good job. i didn't think i would ever be truly loved. i doubted a lot in my life. anxiety does that to you. depression does that to you. for years i let it get the best of me. i let it determine the outcome before it happned, if it even happened. i didn't live the life i was suppose to. till now. till life starting changing 2 years ago.

i've always believed in a higher power. i started going to church when i was around 13. i knew that power of prayer. i knew god listened and he answered. i had seen and read many testimonies. i never thought i would have my own to share. god turned my life around when i needed a change. i had planned on changing things but couldn't do to fears and insecurities. i finally had enough. i prayed for a change. i got that change and it was great! it was when i met up with eric.

but my change didn't stop there. god proceded to listened and answered my prayers for a child. all during my pregnancy i prayed each night. always for a safe, smooth, painless as possible delivery. for a healthy baby. for each milestone that we needed to meet. all were answered. i have never had this happen. it's hard to explain. i've prayed but to see the results i did, it was amazing. i have a new faith that i didn't have before.

after all i have went through, good and bad, i am seeing that i can do things. i can get over these fears. i can have a happy life. i can be a good wife and mother. there will be no more can't in my life as i now know i can do whatever i set my mind to. yes, it does take time to realize all of this and i still have a lot more to learn. but i am so much stronger than i used to be. so much bolder. so much wiser.

plans. i have a lot of them. i plan on one more child. i plan on traveling again soon. i plan on writing a book, i started one years ago. i plan on raising my child to know no fears. to love everyone regardless of who they are. i plan on teaching him manners and respect. i plan on being a great wife to eric. all my dreams are coming true...now to sit back and enjoy it all!

where do i start? lol

a few things have happened this past week, well weekend! Eric asked me to marry him! i knew it was coming, you know a kid and all, but hearing it and how he did it was awesome. even though you know it is coming, you need to hear it...experience it...all that fun stuff! here's the ring:

i couldn't get a good picture on my finger. i so miss not having my canon rebel. hopefully one day i will be able to get one and take the pictures like i used to again. i'm getting two diamond bands to put on each side. we haven't set a date yet. i want it to be july 3rd but not sure about the heat and all. may shoot for september. we'll decide soon. it was so great how he did it. i was surprised even though i knew he was going to do it but i wasn't sure where, when or how.

our newspaper asked for love stories from readers. i submitted ours. i put it in on the 10th. it was so hard not to tell him. i can't keep things in. buying christmas presents and not giving them as soon as i get them...hard!!! but i didn't say anything and showed him at lunch with his family. totally surprised him. we spent the day with his family so they could catch up with liam. had a great time!

little man is getting so big. 8 weeks now! i tell you time is flying so fast! i had no idea it would be this fast. both grandma's gave him bears for valentine's.

i saw a baby online that had these adorable leg warmers. i thought there would be no way a boy would look cute in them. leg warmers are for girls! i googled them and found that boys are wearing them too. so i got a pair of knee high socks and made him a pair. they are so cute and so easy to make.

i sat him up in the recliner last night. now he loves sitting up on his own. my big man!!!

life as a momma is great! just need to manage my time a bit better. my first week back and my first days off was a bit of a change. didn't get a lot done that i wanted to. i wanted to scrap but haven't. haven't used my slice since i got it. well i made one flower for a layout i had done while back. hopefully the next two days off will be better.

little man is fussing. gotta run!

lots to talk about

but will update tomorrow. sorry.

so i did this.....

went to flickr!  i put in "happiness."

1. day051 :: Happiness, 2. Happiness, 3. Smiles = Award = Happiness, 4. Happiness.., 5. happiness is linking heaven and earth, 6. 41/365 the Happiness Project, 7. Happiness is..., 8. rush of happiness, 9. happiness

While he sleeps

day 2 of getting up at 7:30. i actually like it. i like the time i get with liam and then once he is asleep i can do somethings on the computer. can't do any house work as i don't want to wake eric up. i like the me time. he woke up fussy, just wanted momma to hold him, i did a digital layout.

i love this picture of eric and liam. i need a few pictures of liam and i together!

i can't wait for tomorrow. i feel there is going to be a lot of great things happening and a life changing one at that :). his family is coming down to stay the night. some major liam time for heather and the girls.

i have 45 minutes till eric is up. liam is asleep...off to do something till they wake up.

nothing new really

haven't had a chance to play with the Slice yet since I got it. since i am back to work i'm trying to adjust to everything. i thought i would be really tired right now since i got up about 6:45am this morning and didn't go back to sleep. but i am wide awake. i may get it out and play around with it. i have a few cards i want at 2peas for it.

eric and i are trying a routine for night time. i don't go back to sleep well, so he is getting up with liam during the night and i will get up around 7 to 7:30am and stay up. he will still sleep, if he can which i am sure he will, till i get up. this way i can get some sleep and he can too. work isn't as bad as i thought it would be. tonight i missed him like crazy though. everytime i hear a baby cry i think of him. people walk by with car seats...."i want my liam." so i will be glad to have 2 days off to be around my little man...and my big man too :)

omg...just realized my birthday is a month from tomorrow. i will be 39. i better enjoy this year bc next year isn't a good year lol

that's it for tonight.

Back to work

well i am back to work. it didn't go as bad as i thought it would. it was actually kind of nice to get out of the house and get off my butt :). i did miss liam terribly but it all went good. we went home at lunch and checked in. not much more to post. i am tired. its going to take a while to get use to work and having a newborn. i look forward to when he starts sleeping throughout the night.

and i am totally looking forward to sunday...our day off lol.

The Slice rocks!!!!

I played with it a bit but haven't made anything yet. I probably won't make anything till later on. need to clean the kitchen and bathroom then i will scrap. with my birthday next month i have my list going lol. yeah...it's all slice related! i've already been to 2peas looking at slice stuff.

liam just coo'd.....love that sound!!!

off to clean then play!

my Slice has arrived

I can not wait to use it! Hopefully tonight i will have some stuff to show ya! you gotta love making memories!

7 weeks, seriously

i can't believe my little man is 7 weeks old and i will be going back to work on wed. these 7 weeks have flown by. i have loved every minute of being a mom and look forward to all that is yet to come. i love how he looks at you and coo's while you change him. i love his little smiles. his toots out of no where. he is such a blessing to all of us.

here are some layouts i did in the last couple of days:

i buy this book to read: So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. i have heard a lot about her and wanted to get a book or two by her. this one i think will really help with the insecurities that i have and hopefully tackle the anxiety issues i have once and for all. i have read so many books, i can't help be think "is this just another book to read...get excited that i can overcome and live....and then weeks later be back to where i was. hopefully not. i have learned from all the books i've read over the years. no one has the answer, you must find it and if it take reading hundreds of books to find all the answers to live...i'll do it! now, don't get my wrong, life is wonderful right now. the best life i've ever had. but i want to get rid of the anxiety issues. the fears. travel again. be a great mother and wife. i can and will be.

some daddy/son shots

eric was holding an almost naked liam. totally cute so i had to get some shots.

my two guys....gotta love 'em!

what's been happening this week

eric went back to work. it was a little hard on me not having him around but his mom came and helped. liam and her had some good talks. he is really hamming it up lately and coo'ing more. a couple of days i just do my own thing, went to hastings, big lots....i tell ya, you need good arm muscles to carry around that car seat! last night i went to aimee's. carla came down. we sat around and talked. well they talked more than me. i had to have the bud shoot out on tv. :) carla got to meet liam. i had a great time! we laughed a lot, which we all needed. we watched "the hangover." that is a movie that we must buy. we've seen it before but wanted to watch it again. it is a riot!

i did a few layouts this past week. working on one now. i feel guilty at times working on stuff. eric watches tv and liam, but i feel i need to give him a break at times. here's what i work on:

i feel so sorry for the dogs sometimes. i know they feel left out. vinny doesn't do much any more. doesn't play. dotty barks for attention. breaks my heart. poor dogs. at least they have each other.

cause i'm in love

1. Valentine Overload, 2. valentine pebble, 3. Our Valentine's Day Cupcake candy cups, 4. my valentine heart, 5. Big Valentine Heart Cookies, 6. Valentine Heart-keh, 7. Valentine scraplings, 8. 2 Vintage Valentine Cards, 9. Free Wishing You True Love on Valentine's Day Creative Commons, 10. Happy Valentines's Day, 11. Happy Valentine's Day!!, 12. Photobooth Friday: Valentine's Day Card

i love those blue eyes

and a cute little belly button!

i'm so in love with him right now....it's awesome being a mommy!

i heart flickr

a few of my favorite things.....
the color of red for love.
signs. i love signs and photographing them.
baby boys. they rock! :) (btw, i would LOVE to have a crocheted hat for Liam. wish i could make one)

1. `paint the town red., 2. red dreams, 3. The Red Door, 4. Red mood, 5. 127/365 red borders, 6. Racing in Red., 7. Red and White, 8. Red......................., 9. Red 1.0

1. road sign. kelso, ca. 1999., 2. fallimentare, 3. Day One Hundred Five, 4. EXIT, 5. This Way, 6. GO.................!, 7. Right direction, 8. signboard, 9. Love in The Modern World...

1. glare, 2. Big smile, 3. My Son, 4. Gabriel, 5. Hanging With Dad - 1, 6. a pound of cure, 7. handle with care, 8. ::: the hat :::, 9. Cute overload

back to work

eric went back to work yesterday. it was a short day for him so it wasn't too bad being away from liam but today will be the worse, a 2 to 11 shift. i go back next week. i'll be there to keep him company as we both miss our little man. his mom is coming down today. we're going to scrapbook and play with liam. i got a few cool things at Big Lots for scrapbooking. it's hard for me to buy stuff elsewhere when they are so cheap. but i want some of the new stuff coming out and they won't have that till it's old lol. i'm always on the look out for boys stuff! i wish i like my handwriting but i just don't. i want to get used to using it. maybe if i write slower that would work????

wanted to write but just realized i have to be at the dr in an hour. so maybe more today.

yay! i am getting a slice!

I have wanted a slice from making memories for a long time. I finally ordered one and i can't wait to get it! i'm going to try it for 30 days and see how i like it. i'm glad i can do that in case i don't like it and then i am stuck with it!  i was a little bummed when i didn't make a digital design team but bounced back. i doubt that i will have time for teams once work starts again. i may only get one day a week to scrap, who knows, so i will need to use it for me and not someone else.

and i am totally excited about this. i won a book that i wanted since it came out...."52 scrapbook challenges" by elizabeth kartchener at kelly purkey's blog. i was shocked to see my post. i read it and was like "hey...that looks familiar." yeah, it takes me a while for things lol. yay for me!!! totally love the ideas that are in this book. i can not wait to get it!

little man turned 6 weeks yesterday. love how he is smiling more now and coo'ing. makes me one happy momma! i never thought i could love someone as much as i do him and eric.

cheryl's challenge for this week

I loved working on Cheryl's challenge for this week. Once i read the challenge i knew exactly who i was writing about, eric. i had him read it and he said, "why did you almost make me cry?" :) then he pointed out a few things. i didn't check the font after i changed it so there are ?'s where ' should be. i have no idea how to go in a change that once it is all done, a digital layout by the way. So here it is....?'s and all!

journaling reads: Life knows when you need a change. Life know when you can’t

go on any more. Life tries to give you all you need but along
the way it has to teach you lessons for you to learn…to make
you stronger, wiser, courageous. Life for the last 18 years was
a mountain. Struggling with anxiety issues, depression and a
very unhappy marriage that I was afraid to get out of because
I didn’t think I was strong enough to be on my own. Then life
said “ok, you’ve had enough. Let me bring someone to you
to bring you the happiness you deserve.” His name is Eric.



I had known him for 13 years at the time. Our friendship
became stronger. The one day we realized we loved each
other. There is so much about this man that has changed me.
But the one thing that made the difference in me was his love
for me. No one has given me the love that he has. The
compassion. The understanding. The faith in me. He is
always there for me from the simplest to the hardest.



Since we have been together he has helped me to grow. I
don’t fear like I used to. I have faith and believe in myself.
I know that I now that I am strong. I know now that I can
give my love to someone and not be afraid any more. Before
him I was so alone. I longed for something that I needed so
bad in my life. Now I have it. I have the happiness I deserve.
The peace I deserve. The love I deserve. It’s the little things
that he does that lets me know he loves me unconditionally.

I thank God for him. God brought him to me in a time of need.
I needed him. God knew. Life knew. Now we are together and
life is so much more livable because we are together.

Eric goes back to work tomorrow. I go back next week. Liam is 6 weeks old today. time is going by so fast. i don't want to leave him to go to work but i know he will be in good hands with tammy watching him. so glad to have a family member watch him then trying to find someone to watch him that i don't know. yesterday we went out to my parents to meet steve and tammy to give them all pictures from his little photo session at walmart. they were awesome i tell you. once i get them uploaded i will put them here. he is getting better with his car seat. i did get this pouting picture though....poor little guy :)

tired of all this snow but i did enjoy taking pictures of it, even though it was from a moving vehicle. if we had the chance, it would have been fun to get out and walk around to take upclose pictures in various spots in town. here are a few that i got that are my favorites:

i love the tree in this photo. one of my favorite things to photograph in the winter are trees. you can see the structures of the branches. Love it!

there's a lot i want to accomplish this week around the house before i go back to work. hopefully i will get some if not all of it done. yeah....i always put things off!