Wednesday, February 17, 2010

i can

taken from notebook doodles.

there were times in my life where i didn't think i could do much of anything. i didn't think i could be happy. i didn't think i could have a good job. i didn't think i would ever be truly loved. i doubted a lot in my life. anxiety does that to you. depression does that to you. for years i let it get the best of me. i let it determine the outcome before it happned, if it even happened. i didn't live the life i was suppose to. till now. till life starting changing 2 years ago.

i've always believed in a higher power. i started going to church when i was around 13. i knew that power of prayer. i knew god listened and he answered. i had seen and read many testimonies. i never thought i would have my own to share. god turned my life around when i needed a change. i had planned on changing things but couldn't do to fears and insecurities. i finally had enough. i prayed for a change. i got that change and it was great! it was when i met up with eric.

but my change didn't stop there. god proceded to listened and answered my prayers for a child. all during my pregnancy i prayed each night. always for a safe, smooth, painless as possible delivery. for a healthy baby. for each milestone that we needed to meet. all were answered. i have never had this happen. it's hard to explain. i've prayed but to see the results i did, it was amazing. i have a new faith that i didn't have before.

after all i have went through, good and bad, i am seeing that i can do things. i can get over these fears. i can have a happy life. i can be a good wife and mother. there will be no more can't in my life as i now know i can do whatever i set my mind to. yes, it does take time to realize all of this and i still have a lot more to learn. but i am so much stronger than i used to be. so much bolder. so much wiser.

plans. i have a lot of them. i plan on one more child. i plan on traveling again soon. i plan on writing a book, i started one years ago. i plan on raising my child to know no fears. to love everyone regardless of who they are. i plan on teaching him manners and respect. i plan on being a great wife to eric. all my dreams are coming to sit back and enjoy it all!

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