photo editing

love it! makes me feel like i am a really cool artists lol. here are a few more i did in photoshop.

i have friday off, eric works 4 to 9, so i am going to drop liam off at the sitters (might as well since it is $85 if he's there or not) then drop eric off and them i am off to take some pictures. not sure where or what, i'll just drive and look to see what is around. i hear there is a chance of rain so i hope it stays away!

bumbo time

to the tune of "hammer time." i wanted to get him one of these but couldn't find any. we got one as a return at work and then i say the price! the kid can learn to sit on up on his own. but then kerri, that watches him some saturday's, said she received two of them when she was pregnant and i could have one. score!!!! i love it and i think he does too!

since it was warm yesterday we decided to take liam to the park. he crashed out in the car so he really didn't get a chance to enjoy the walk around the lake and see the ducks.

don't worry little man, you have plenty of years a head of you to go to the park.

some photoshop time

i have been wanting to try photoshop cs4 so i thought i would download the trial and see what kind of fun i could have. ohhh did i have fun!

i am sure there will be a lot more coming soon. i used actions from The Pioneer Woman and Coffee Shop. i will be on the look out for more actions. i can't get enough of them!

eric and i, if it will be in the 60's like they say it will be, are going out and taking pictures today. i can't wait. going to take liam to the park...fun times! i love spring time!

insurance

i got used to getting my meds for free when i was pregnant with liam. i thought that once i got my insurance from work that i would have a copay on meds. well i was wrong. i think lexapro was taken off their list. there was a lot of meds that were taken off when the new insurance came out. i didn't have insurance from work at that time so i didn't pay attention to what meds they took off. lexapro has to be one. i went to get my prescription filled and for 30 days it is $90. crap! so now i have to wait till payday. it's been four day since i've had one and i am starting to feel the affects of it. anxiety is going up. feeling foggy in the head. it isn't fair to get insurance and expect meds to be paid for and they aren't. so now i have to wait till thursday. by then who knows what i will be like. yeah...insurance is great! grr

belly time

not to be confused with the last post.
i never put liam on his belly. yeah, the whole SIDS thing. but he needs to start getting onto his belly. i'm not a failure for him not being on his belly yet, am i?

"Your life: Making peace with your post-baby body"

catchy title, huh? i go to see what the your baby  "3 months, 2 weeks" has to see and see this. ugg. i really don't want to talk about post-baby weight. i had lost 26lbs. gained 10lbs from deciding to hit up pop again. a few years back i had lost 74lbs. one thing i really had issues with while pregnant was weight gain. i knew why i was gaining. knew it was for the best. but still had issues. i gained 35lbs. not bad i don't think. i really didn't watch what i ate when i was pregnant. i didn't eat a lot of sweets. didn't really eat more than usual. but here i am "3 months, 2 weeks" out and i hate the weight gain and want it off. honestly, the thought of having to lose weight again stresses me out. i know it is a lot of work. i know how good i feel when i do workout but time???? where do i find the time? once it gets warmer i will walk outside with him that will help me to lose some and get my energy back.

i wish i could accept myself and my weight. after losing the weight and gaining all but 30lbs of it, i feel anxious that the 30lbs will come back and i will be where i was 4 years ago. it won't be easy taking it off from here on out, age and all, so i must start if i am going to. but part of me doesn't want to. i want to be able to drink pop, eat a candy bar if i want. i did have candy when i had lost the weight. i never did deprive myself of anything, i just didn't eat a lot of it. but i want to look good. i want liam to have a mom that has energy to keep up with him. that can sit on the floor and play with the cars, trucks and tons of toys that will invade us here before long. and most importantly, look good for our wedding in september. *sigh*

must get a plan into action and follow through.

picture sharing

took quite a few pictures the other day of liam. this one i think is my favorite. we're in the car. he is starting at the elephant that hangs on his car seat.

and later he is asleep with his binkie out of his mouth.

and that cute face mommy and daddy just love!

earlier in the day i took some pictures of eric playing with him after he changed him. caught a sneeze!

and then caught a big, cheesey grin!

we took him to the dr on friday. he has been sounding kinda raspy and coughing a bit. but all is good. dr thinks it's just formula and mocus in his throat. the rasping clears up after he coughs. she can hear it more in his nasal cavity than anywhere else. i am not feeling good. major headache. extremely tired. scratchy throat. eric is starting to feel the same way. i hope we both don't feel like crap together.

sometimes

sometimes i still can't believe that i am a mother. i look at him and feel so blessed by god that he finally gave me my dream. i can't believe that i am actually in that special "club" of women. i don't have to look at pregnant women any more and wish it was me. i can walk down the baby isle and actually buy something instead of wishing. it is an amazing feeling.

rainy today. i am excited for the storms to start this season. i would freak out if i saw the guys from "storm chasers" drive down the highway to their next stop. they've been to a few places close to here. in fact, last year they stopped at walmart and tiv was outside of walmart. i would have freaked! associates would wonder if they should call an ambulance for me. i would really freak if i saw the dominator! reed timmer...ahhhhh!!! angels singing! yes, i am a reality tv junky. these guys use the tiv and the dominator to intercept tornadoes. they actually get into the tornadoes. now, as much as i would love to see one, i couldn't go into a tornado. actually, if one gets really close i kinda start to freak. as much as i want to see one i don't want to be in one. i love the thrill of listening to the radio when storms are close. listening to where people spotted a funnel cloud. where one touched down. hail. lightening. i love it all! bring on storm season!

anxiously awaiting...

my box of goodies from Making Memories. I won a random drawing for registering my Slice, $100 worth of product! i love making memories, always have. their papers. their embellishments. the slice. and i saw jewerly in a magazine! sweet! i'd like to get some sort of little charm to put liam's picture in to wear on my lanyard at work.

feeling girly tonight! had to stop and get some bottle liners at walgreens, saw this awesome color of green nail polish. sold! nothing like a new nail polish to make you feel better.

i love spring!

1. spring sprang, 2. spring day scenery of england countryside, 3. Spring on my Mind, 4. Spring Storm, 5. spring in the city (III), 6. Spring harbinger, 7. Spring Is In The Air, 8. Longing for Spring to Arrive..., 9. you can never hold back spring

the ole body

the ole body will never be the same i guess. for the first time in my life i am dealing with dry skin on my face. i've never had dry skin on my face, always oily. my toes are even dry. toes! the tops of them. craziness! i days i am ovulating and right before my period, i feel like i did when i had him. bloated, tight, sore, can't barely walk. good things: my hair is growing a lot and so are my nails. it is unbelievable how much your body changes before and after. i had no idea about afterwards though, i thought it was all during pregnancy. yes, all worth it.

eta...and my mind. well it started going years ago but pregnancy progressed it. nowadays i can't remember anything. i asked eric a question and 3 blocks later i am like "did i ask...." "yes." "oh." i can't afford to lose any more of it, seriously.

a little creating

i was able to finish 3 layouts! First, the "e" in "cute" i had no idea it was cricked till i looked at the picture. don't want to take another so just imagine it straight lol

journaling for this layout reads:

Mom and dad,

Oh yes, I am in charge! I say when I want to eat. I say
how much I want to eat. I say when you will get up,
each day will be different. I say when I want to go to
sleep. I say if I want to play or not. I say if I want to
burp or not. I say when I want my diaper changed. I
say if I want to be held. I say if I want out of the
bouncer or not. I say if I am not liking my car seat and
want out. I say when I will scream and cry out in public.
I say if I want to smile or not…don’t force it.

Yes, I have you by the finger. I am now in charge. Your
life will never be the same.

Liam

and a card using The Slice!

more sleeping photos

he looks so peaceful when he sleeps. melts my heart even more! love this little man with all my heart!

i finished one layout, about to finish another. i really feel the urge to scrap today. i think i am going to scrap smaller sizes like 8x8 and 6x6. i'd like to get my stack down a bit. i will post them later today.

sleep

i get enough of it. so i think. i sleep a lot more than most moms. at least that's what i hear. but why am i still tired and taking naps nearly everyday? think i got to thinking, scarey yes, i do do more than i used to. i used to sleep till around noon, get ready for work, work, then stay up till about 4am. now i hit the bed around midnight to 1am and get up about 8:30. i guess it will take a while to adjust to a new sleep pattern, right? sometimes i think "oh god, am i pregnant again?" because i am so tired. but i'm not. just getting use to doing a lot more than i used to.

i need to update the 365 pictures. i haven't been taking them like i wanted to. i will start that back over tomorrow. in the meantime i will throw in various pictures to get up to date. cheating? yeah.....but i promise i will try not to slack any more. well.....

that face

gets me everytime!

happy 3 months to our little man who brings us so much love and joy into our hearts.

just finished watching the race and i am sooooo tired of hearing about jimmy johnson. yes he is a good racer but i am tired of hearing about it. yes, i am bitter since tony could have won but no jimmy has to go around him to take the win. ugh!

off to clean the kitchen, do some laundry then scrapbook!

family fun

we had a great couple of days visiting with eric's family. his aunt regina came up from texas with her two girls. heather came with her girls. they had fun taking pictures of liam. seems like the man is always around girls. not a good sign lol

here's daddy, grandpa and liam chillin on the bed.

slobbers. who's got slobbers?

mom, i'm getting fat. i can pinch an inch!

a fun four generation picture.

yeah, i know i'm cute.

hey, you lookin' at me?

ok, i'm getting bored. what's next?

yep, little man is getting so big! he's starting to reach for the monkey on his bouncer. he found his fingers and sucks on the more. drools. no tooth yet. looks like it may have went back in. the tiny part that was sticking up isn't there any more. we are seeing more white spots on his gums where there could be more teeth coming. when??? who knows.

a great birthday

i had a great birthday. turning 39 wasn't so bad :). eric and i had lunch with carla. i got filled up by potato soup at chili's. man that stuff is awesome! i love me some good potato soup! i was surprised at work by a couple of presents, cupcakes and cookies. the gals i work with are awesome! after work we went to pick up liam at aimee's, we sat and watched tv with aimee and carla and laughed!!! i mean good, deep belly laughs that all of us highly needed. all in all it was a great birthday. i don't fear turning fear as much as i did. now that i have liam life feels complete. i wanted to have a child before 40 and now that i do, it won't be so bad. i'm still a kid at heart and always will be.

i've been making a few cards lately. i really enjoy making cards. i need to make a goal of sending 3 out each week to random people for no reason at all but to give them a quick smile.

i had been wanting to get a jumperoo at walmart for the little man. it was marked down to $45. by the time i could get it, it was down to $23!!! huge bargin. it retailed at $90. happy me and happy man, he loves it!

38 things

here are 38 random things about me or that i have learned over the last 38 years.

1. being a mother is the BEST thing in the world.
2. i still love going to the library.
3. no matter how hard you try you will never please everyone.
4. never give up.
5. dreams do come true.
6. prayers do get answered.
7. staying in touch with friends and family is a must!
8. hold your ground.
9. a $70 pair of jeans will not make me look any better.
10. we must go through trials to learn.
11. nothing ever happens that i deeply fear. it's all in my head.
12. be true to yourself.
13. communication is the key to a relationship.
14. losing 74lbs showed me that i can do anything if i set my mind to it.
15. weight gain is definately worth the little joy i now hold.
16. feeling a life inside of you is incredible.
17. i finally feel truly loved for the first time in a relationship.
18. never take what you have forgranted, especially family and friends.
19. spring is my favorite time of year. i love watching everything come to life.
20. i realized i have always been around some time of motorsports since i was about 6 to 7. dad and brother race motorcyles. we used to go to mo-kan a lot. now i love nascar.
21. i have had approximately 12 cars since i started driving. i may have forgot about a few so there may be more.
22. i hold grudges and i shouldn't.
23. i love photography.
24. my favorite way to relax is to read.
25. i want to write a book someday about my trials of anxiety, depression and agoraphobia.
26. i love sunsets.
27. i should have never started drinking pop again but i love the taste to much to totally quit this time.
28. having insurance through work makes me feel grown up. haven't had insurance for so many years.
29. i wish i didn't have to take meds for my anxiety but it is a part of life if i want to be able to function.
30. my favorite color has never been the same.
31. i used to decorate my bedroom walls with pictures in magazines, especially fashion. first sign that i love designing?!
32. i wanted a girl so bad but having a boy is a huge blessing.
33. the age my mom had me and why my favorite number is 3. 3rd child. mom was 33. on the 3rd floor in room 333. born 3/13.
34. i long to have a home that is simple and organized.
35. music always cheers me up.
36. i finally found my own style of religion and spirituality.
37. i hope to have one more child.
38. eric is the best thing that has ever come into my life.

just 2 more days

till i am 39! i can't wait actually. can't wait to have lunch with the girls. can't wait to see what my 39th year will bring up. my 38th was pretty amazing with little man arriving. 39 will be the year eric and i get married that i know for sure. i am tremendously blessed.

everyday you

what's shakin?

well first off, i really need to keep up on the 365 photos, huh? yeah i am behind on posting them. you'd think i would remember but who has a memory any more? little man is getting bigger by the day! he has a tooth coming in, explains the fist nawing and drool. who said he could grow up so fast? 11 weeks 2 days ago, unbelievable i tell ya!

i got accepted on to two creative teams. totally excited to be doing some layouts for designers. i will post where as soon as i know it is ok to do so. i love digital scrapbooking and look forward to working with these people.

mom's leg is at it again. mom, i don't know how you get the strength that you do. i know it is from god! i would have given up on it so long ago. hang in there, i know god will take care of it!

my birthday is saturday. carla is coming down, yay! a fun birthday lunch with my gals, eric and liam before work. aimee is watching liam on the 13th and 20th. her and carla will have a blast watching him. i hope carla can find a job down here and move here. her personality and laugh makes me smile. i love being around her. so glad we caught up a couple of years ago.

ok, off to do a few things will liam is bouncing away in his bouncer. well, he hasn't quite got the bounce part down yet. he enjoys looking at the animals though.

so lucky

oscar speech

saw this on a blog...funny!

i will thank....blackberry for their phones. big screen tv's. jeep. clairol nice and easy hair color. the makers of lexapro and klonopin for getting me through the tough times. the sky and it's sunsets. monster energy drink. 70's and 80's movies. books. music. poetry. and last but not least...sonic happy hour!

layout i did this morning

i woke up this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. even liam was asleep! hoping to feel better today and enjoy the day!

depressed

don't know why. sometimes it comes even though i am on meds for it. i guess there is a lot on my mind. after i had the day off and eric worked, i went out and about with liam while he worked, i realized that i still have boundries and it really scares me. irratates me. upsets me. after what happened with steve and tammy i question myself about how good of a mother i can be, especially with this anxiety issue. i feel like i have failed so many people and i don't want to fail eric and liam...especially liam. i don't want him going to school and saying "my mom is a freak...." i want to travel with eric and take pictures. it is something we love to do together. taking pictures around here gets a little boring...same sites! i can't help but wonder if he will get tired of it at some point.

then there is work. he isn't getting the hours like he should. his boss said he would add a job code so he could get hours. has yet to happen. so i worry about food, diapers, bills. etc..... i hate asking for help. i feel like i just want to be by myself. i don't want to be around anyone right now. i just want to sleep. i don't want to face anything.

everything in my life that i prayed for is finally here...all but the anxiety issues being gone. i want to catch a break. i want to end it to get on with my life. i want to be able to get up and go anywhere without the "what if...." going on in my head. i want to be normal. i want to say "yeah we went to.....and did this...." i know it will happend one day. i didn't think i would have a baby but he is finally here after years of wanting him. so maybe will get over this and do what i used to enjoy doing. i hope. sometimes i don't know how much more i can take of this anxiety.

a little scrapping

i worked on a couple of layouts over the last few days. valentine's day. i don't go in any order when i scrap, sometimes i think i should. i have some pictures i want to scrap from when liam was born. but all in time. sometimes you just gotta scrap what ya wanna scrap! plus i got the papers from laura and was anxious to use them :)

this one is about eric proposing to me. he wrote down what he wanted to say. i was so surprised. i want to remember what he wrote so i had to add it into the layout.

and this one is of the gifts liam got for valentine's day.

he's doing good today after yesterday's shots. i really didn't know what to expect. he is a trooper. i think his legs are a little sore. he whimpers a little bit. he's strong like his mommy and daddy!