Color Inspiration #43

fun colors this time. i went with a small stamp set i got from 2peas that is by technique tuesday. they are a tiny set but really fun to work with!

happy card making to all!

s'up?

not much new here. enjoyed a warm day yesterday. after volunteering to work for 6 hours, we came home, took the dogs out and had fun watching them play. i can not wait for spring to hit. so many ideas. eric wants to cook out...loving that! i want to play flowers. oh how i love warm weather.

going to a crop on saturday with laura, eric's mom. can't wait. got some new goodies from 2peas and laura. i got a set of hero art stamps that i am anxious to play with!

sending positive thoughts and prayers to carla and her dh. hoping it isn't cancer. carla, i am here for you!
peace to all!

a couple of layouts

i didn't find my elements 4.0 cd, so i downloaded a trial version of 7.0, which i would love to have! so here are the layouts. i used random kits. memory makers magazine has some great free ones!

so there are my two layouts. i wanted to make some cards but i am out of white cardstock, getting some tonight at work. it was nice to make some digital for a change.

of to get ready for the exciting land of retail!

a little bit of this...

sick with a cold again, 3rd time since christmas i might add! uggg! i'm trying to get into the mood to make something. i want to digital scrapbook really bad but i can't find my elements 4.0 cd. i took it off my computer since it was running slow. i got more memory and now i want to scrap! oh well, i am sure it will show up soon.

we had lunch at a new place in town, fat daddys. o.m.g! look at this yummy double cheeseburger and onion rings!

i totally recommend it! the onion rings are to die for!

here is a picture of kali that totally cracks me up. she likes to lay on the back of my chair when i am at the computer. every once in a while she claws the crap out of my back when she jumps. grrrr
yep, she will lay like that for hours. i will pull the chair in and out and she continues to stay like that. crazy cat!

and here is dottie. i caught her laying on the couch with her ears sticking out as she slept. of course she woke up when i got the camera out.

so that is it for the kids. vinny got his time so it was time to share the other two. i really wish i could get motivated to do something but i can't. i don't want to paper scrap and since i can't find my cd that is all i can do. *whine* where in the heck did i put it????

ok...off to do something productive.

i so need a break

actually, i would like a new job! but in this economic times i won't be looking for one just yet. i will keep putting up with the bs that goes on...yes i know it is every job...but there has to be a happy medium somewhere! and then when you think you trust someone...it goes all to crap! i have to go in tomorrow for a manditory meeting. hopefully this will help with what all is going on. i checked with personel and there are only 2 openings, overnight and a greeter in tire and lube. so for now i will stick to the same place, same bs and hope that things get better.

i know i am very lucky to have a job right now. i guess i need to remember that this generation of kids aren't workers like my generation. during the 9.5 years at taco station, i have seen work in kids go from great to suck ass! uggg, i am not going to write about it because i will get started and won't be able to stop. i'm wanting so bad to call in today but can't. just today left and then 2 days off. ahhh, the joy of working at walmart!

other news.....trying to decide what to order and from where for the crop. i don't go in till 4:30 so i will get to play longer than i thought. eric's mom may be coming down, not for sure yet. i have been going to girlfriends a lot more lately. eating less isn't really happening yet, but i am slowly remembering what it took for me to lose the 74lbs. i want to lose the 15 i gained and then another 20. at one time my goal was to lose 150lbs total. i will settle for 100lbs. better than what it used to be.

tried get online to play world of warcraft but they are down for updates. couldn't get on last night since cox was updating for that digital thing that was suppose to happen on the 17th. so hopefully tonight after work i can come home, kill some people lol and relax. killing people in a game is so relaxing. gets the tension out and makes you feel so much better. try it!
peace!

why do i neglect this poor blog?

well it's because lately i am back to playing world of warcraft. i come home from work, change clothes, fix something to eat, check email and then play. i haven't even scrapbooked...well i made 2 valentine cards. so i got some catching up to do if i can remember it all lol

i joined a secret sister swap with some gals that i am going to start going to crops with. convient for me since it is 2 blocks from my house, score! i wanted to go last month but had a bad cough so i am anxiously awaiting this month. in fact, i think i am going to order some stuff so i can play hard! :) oh, back to the secret sister, she sent me this card and necklace for Valentine's Day:

and speaking of valentine's day, i decided to take some cupcakes to work. due to my oven wanting to heat to 500 when you set it at 200, we had to pack up the stuff and bake them at mom and dad's. mom mixed and baked while we ate, i decorated. i think they were so cute and a hit with people at work!

i love going to hasting and getting some sort of coffee or chi tea latte before work. i grab a couple of magazines and relax. ahhhh, my time to get away and escape.

the other night i was walking around walmart and saw this toy for girls. what do you think it looks like? well to me it doesn't look like a toy for girls that forsure! then again, maybe i am just way too perverted!
so now i am off to do a little shopping to find some goodies to play with on the 28th at the crop. i hope it is a day that i go in at 4 or 5:30 and not 2. too late to ask off or asked to work a short shift. with walmart you have to ask off at least 6 weeks in advance! happy creating. and don'g be rushing out to walmart to get the girls toy, it for your hair not your whoo-ha!
peace and love!

allergy season already?

usually doesn't start for me until mid to late march. the last few days have been terrible. dizzy today so i will have to get some meds before work. one of the main reasons i like working at walmart, never need to go there to get something, i'm already there! seriously....allergies already?

i haven't been buying magazines since i am limited on income and frankly....they are a waste of money unless you really put them to use. yes, i have finally realized that months and years of scrapbook magazine, oprah magazine, etc aren't doing me a bit of good in piles and in boxes. anyways...i bought the latest issue of martha stewart. it has cupcake recipes in this. i really want to make some cupcakes so i bought it. there are some other cool stuff in there as well. i think if i really look at it as an investment it is ok. it will be put to good use! now if my friggin oven was working properly......

off to get ready to go to the land of retail!
peace!

sometimes......

i can't believe how lucky i am. i stop and think how happy i am. i realize that for the first time in nearly 20 years that i am totally in love in ways i never felt. i think about eric and think how lucky i am to have met him 13 years ago and how our relationship started based on a simple text. i don't think i could be any happier than i am right now. i think about our future and how wonderful it is going to be.

sometimes we are given things in life to teach us things. i had 17 years of ups and downs. some happy, mostly sad times. i have learned what to put into a relationship and what i should get out of it. how communication is the most important thing in a relationship. i know that i will over come my anxiety because now i have a reason to live and get on with my life. i used to think how i wanted my life over that it meant nothing. now when i think i want to stop it all i think of eric and how i could never leave him.

the universe brought us together. we were meant to be. when things are meant to be things are easier and more simple to explain. i smile more. i laugh more. i stopped and realize how happy i am more. i cherish each day i have with him. on our days off i can't wait to spend time with him. last night i went to bed before he did, he was watching a movie and i couldn't stay up any longer. i went to bed and felt lonely without him. i texted him and told him i missed him and felt lonely without him in bed. NEVER felt that before. heck, i slept by myself for the last 2 years.

my life has changed and is changing daily. i can't wait for what is coming and what may come. i can't wait till we can tell the world our exciting news once one little thing is out of the way. it's meant to be so i am calm and know it will happen fast.

god...i love being in love!

catching up

been kinda on the low down the last couple of days. busy and relaxing. eric's mom came on wednesday to scrapbook. we had a great time. i feel closer to eric and his family after looking through pictures and putting faces with names. another thing i love about scrapbooking! We went out to lunch at the mall deli, then came back and scrapped some more. i had a great time and hope she will be able to make it on the 28th to the crop in town.

tuesday night i found a tony stewart squeeky for vinny. i freaked when i saw it. so of course i had to take a couple of pictures lol

he plays with it all the time. and yes...he sooo needs to be groomed lol

i was zoning at work and saw this and totally freaked out. had to run back to receiving to tell eric what i found.

tony's new number on a hat! need to remember to buy it today. since i don't have any shirts i think i will buy this red and white one at work and put 14 on it. maybe take it to wilberts and have them put it on for me.

this is about it. for today.
peace!

anxiously awaiting the mailman

for my w2 that is! hopefully tara didn't lie and it did get mailed when she said. *fingers crossed*. Not much to post today. Have to go in at 2. tomorrow i am learning how to be a cashier. if i like it i will see if i can switch from my area to that. tired of the bs and the people that don't do shit, suck up to bosses and get their way. wait...that is everywhere but with such a huge store maybe i can find my happy place...which i thought was softlines but....

eric's mom will be down this wednesday to scrap. it was going to be last wednesday but the roads were bad from the snow and ice we got. i haven't felt like making much lately so maybe this will give me a scoot.

crap, didn't realize it is 12:30...need to get ready for work.
peace!

flickr friday!

yep, had to go to flickr and put in pink, orange and green for some flickr lovin. these colors will be very important to me in the months to come :)

1. Color Your Life, 2. a little less conversation, 3. Silky Poppy, 4. E' l'ora dell'aperitivo!, 5. Tasty Technicolor Treats, 6. The Colors of the Life, 7. Linda's 65th Birthday Cake, 8. 12 - Jan, 9. orbit snail set 1

Off to work today. After having 3 days off i am actually ready to go back. i don't go in till 5:30, so i am dropping eric off and then heading to hastings for a coffee and read a couple of magazines.
peace!

beware, pictures ahead!

yesterday we finally ventured out into the cold and snow to get some groceries. I got this shot of eric as he was cleaning the windshield off.

I love the view from my scrapbook room. the old room was small. it did have windows but the shades never went up as because the view was not a good one, so i put up pictures from magazines and such on it. but now i have this huge window that over looks the porch and street...did i mention this before? well, here's a shot i took.

i have been wanting to do something crafty lately that didn't involve paper. sometimes i need a break. i was looking at blogs and got this awesome idea from Homegrown Hospitality, click on link to see what the idea was and here are my pictures:

that is a cloud at the top. camera didn't do a good job of showing it.

these were so fun to make. i have one more i want to make and then i will decide what to do with them. i think i will link them all together with ribbon and hang them on the wall. when i got this idea i had to go raid mom's fabric since i knew she would have some good stuff. i really am thinking about starting some sort of quilt. i have my grandmother's sewing machine in my scrapbook room, so maybe i will put it to use.

i love bargins and amercian crafts. went to big lots yesterday and found some goodies. there were a lot more rubons but i bought the ones that i thought i would use the most, yes must be thrifty and wise in this economy!

the jar contained hearts. i totally love hearts. thought of buying another jar but....
here's kali, yes feeling a 100% over her uterus ordeal, sitting on the step ladder in my scrapbook room. i need to put up some more pictures but i lost the hammer. how did i lose a hammer? how does anyone lose a hammer?

so there you have it. my last 2 days in pictures. today: cleaning, go to the library and clean. clean. clean. clean!
peace!

very thankful

lately i have been worried about money. things i can't afford and want. wanting things that i don't really need but i'm still dealing with the buying things to make me happy issue (not sure how long that will take). then there is a reminder at work and from a book.

for the last 4 to 5 days there has been a homeless couple that stays at walmart. i don't know if they sleep, never seen them do anything but walk around. i hear they are there at night, overnight, and during the day. pretty much all the time. i don't know much of their story other than what patty told me. but this got me to thinking. as i walked away from listening to patty tell me about them, i was thinking how thankful i am for all that i have. so what if i can't afford this or that right now. so what if we have about $100 bucks till next thursday. we have a home. we have heat. we have water. i have all i need and ever wanted.

i finished tori spellings book last night, Story Telling, that also made me realize i have all that i want. our stories are almost the same....mine doesn't include a famous father and lots of money. she got married and wasn't happy. met the man of her dreams while she was married. went into debt buying clothes and such to have the feeling of love and being wanted. as i read i knew why she was one of my favorite actresses. we have a lot in common. her wedding to dean was nothing but them on a beach. no family or friends. a simple wedding. now i don't want my 2nd wedding to be simple like that, but it was all about them and nothing else. no lingering pasts or thoughts of "is he really the one."

so my point to all of this is....i have all i ever wanted in my life. yeah i know that i can't get out of town due to my agoraphobia. some how whenever i say i have all i want, i feel people are saying "but you can't even leave town." i know it is just me, maybe they do i don't know, but one day i will get out because i don't want to miss one more day of this beautiful life that i have. eric is the best thing that has ever happened to me. i was married for 17 years but for the last 10 years i felt trapped, yes due to the anxiety issues. i relied on him for way too much. i let my fears rule my life and my decisions. i stayed in a shitty job that i wanted to quit so bad but since i couldn't drive around by myself i stayed and put up with the bullshit and drama. my life was a huge stress bomb waiting to exploid. then eric came into it and i knew i had to change things.

what i went through and what i am going through now are are teaching me and making me a stronger person. it takes time to recover from anxiety issues. but the rest of me is almost at a full recovery. sometimes it take little things in life to make you see that you have it all. a simple book. people that you see and then realize that you have it made. we need these things. we need to see that our lives are wonderful. yeah so i can't afford to go and buy what i used to but i know it was because i bought that stuff to fill a void. and you know what...i couldn't afford to buy that stuff then either. i put us into debt, bankruptcy, because of how i felt inside. i never admitted to anyone why we went bankrupt but yeah it was me. i did the bills because i knew he wouldn't allow me to buy one thing. i'd put off this bill and that one to buy something. yeah, i am paying for it now but it made me see what i was doing. another lesson learned in life, check!

i got the house. i never felt like this house was a home. it was a place to stay. but i am changing that and i am going to make it a home. i hope by the end of the year to have ever room painted and redone. an erasing and painting over to forget the past and move on. I don't want to forget the past persay, but i don't want to have the reminders that are in here. i will to an extent but painting and redecorating will make it feel like a new start and that will help the process.

i hope in writing this that i may have changed a little something in people that read this. i hope they realize how much they have and to be thankful for all of it. i have a great family. everyone is healthy. great friends. i couldn't ask for anything more. i have been taken care of by god and i know he will continue to watch over me, take care of me and send me little signals along the way as a reminder to be thankful and appreciate what i have.
peace and love!

eta....I have to add this quote I found at a blog:
"An adult is one who has lost the grace, the freshness, the innocence of the child,who is no longer capable of feeling pure joy, who makes everything complicated,who spreads suffering everywhere, who is afraid of being happy, and who,because it is easier to bear, has gone back to sleep. The wise man is a happy child." -Arnaud Desjardins

no work for me

i was bad and called into work. i didn't want to get out in this crap again. it has started snowing again. i hear 2 to 4 inches. who knows. all i know is that i don't want to get out in this. i hate driving on the ice. my anxiety goes up. panic sets in. i'm better off at home! lol

today's agenda: work on scrapbook room. find usb cord for my camera. get some of the boxes out of the living room, wait...that is on eric's agenda. scrapbook. play some cards. relax and watch the snow fall. one thing i really like about my scrapbook room is the big front window that over looks the porch and street. i'm actually liking sitting here with the blinds open and watching the snow fall. right now it is light. i do like to watch the snow fall. if i don't have to go anywhere then i am all for snow but if i have to go to work or something then i hate it. weird i know!

off to fix lunch and do something productive!
peace!

ohhhh my!!!

ok, yesterday was my first day in jewerly, loved it! wish there was an opening there. i hope they send me over there more often. saw this ring that i absolutely L.O.V.E! Had to show eric. this won't be good working over there lol.

still colder than cat poop. in fact, winter storm watch...yuck! had a weird dream that i was shaving my legs in the car. there was a cup of water in a cup holder that stuck to the window. eric kept driving in circles. what the heck does that mean? i shaved my legs the other day. it isn't like they are still hairy and makes eric sleep closer to the edge of the bed.

haven't taken a picture in the last few days! must do that today. but of what????
off to package up stamps to send off to new owners.
peace!

i want spring. i want spring.

it is so could out right now. i am tired of the cold, dreary days. bring on warmth! we had a taste of it thursday but just one day :( i need to color my hair but i don't know if i want to stand around for 30 minutes with a wet head. the auctions were very successful, very happy about that. still waiting on 9 of them to pay. i'll be working in jewelry today, fun!!! i haven't worked there before so this will be fun and a nice change. next saturday i will start cashiering. more hours, yay!

need to find something to do. i'm a bit bored.
peace!

reality tv

last night we watched "private practice." it has become one of my favorite shows. this episode dealt with a woman with agoraphobia. She went in for treatment to be able to go to her daughter's wedding. the therapist had to leave for a bit and came back to find her in the closet. she was too ashamed to come out. felt like she failed everyone. that episode hit home.

no one knows what it is like to have agoraphobia unless you have dealt with it, it is an illness that is very had to explain. people don't realize why you can't leave the house, town, state, etc. the everyday things that people can do, we can't do. i'd love to be able to go to work on my own and not have eric go 2 hours early, if i have to go in at 2 that day. i'd love to be able to just get in the car and go anywhere, but i can't.

i feel like a complete failure. i feel like i failed my whole family. and now that i am going through a seperation that will lead to a divorce, i feel like i failed them because...well i do. we all used to go out to 505 for drinks and play pool. not any more. it's like me leaving him was bad for everyone or something. i don't think they understand. we used to go all the time unless something came up. yes, i did start working on tuesdays but why couldn't we switch it to wednesdays? i am happier than i have been in so many years but all has stopped with my family it seems. i don't get it. it's like they loved him more than me.

i don't like to get close to people because i am afraid i will fail them too. i am afraid i will fail eric and his family. i am afraid i will keep failing no matter what i do. people look at what i can't do as to what i can do. it brings me down. you think i asked to be this way? if i would have known better 20 years ago i would have gotten help to get over this so it wouldn't be a burden to me or anyone else. however, 20 years ago there wasn't a name to this. there wasn't a cure or a drug. i don't like getting close to anyone, friends or family, in fear that i will fail them. i have missed countless graduations, weddings, parties, all due to fear and anxiety. not a day goes by that i don't feel like a failure and regret all that i missed.

i back off. i don't let all of me out. i am afraid to. i am afraid to show my real self that they may think i am weird or a freak. people at work probably think i am a bitch. a couple has told eric that i looked like i was unapproachable. it isn't that i don't want to be your friend, it is because i fear what you will learn about me and judge me for it. i already hear the, "he comes in 2 hours before he's suppose to, to bring her to work. she's says after." i'm so humiliated. i just want to tell everyone why so they will shut up and leave me alone or at least stop the comment. it makes things worse when no one invites me to go anywhere. i don't blame them. being how negative i am and all, oh and eric would have to come along...but is that such a bad thing??? but if you would give me a chance and see what the real me is like, that stress does get me down, that i still get depressed once in a while because life is still going on. even though i am happier, things in life happen. it's life for godsakes! i worry about bills. hours at work. my house. my pets. my parents. am i a good enough girlfriend. if i am good enough period.

i have told myself so many times that i am ready to get on with my life and i truly am right now. until now, i haven't had a real reason to really get out and get on with my life. i was stuck in a marriage that made me so unhappy. i sat at home and was on the computer reading blogs about how i wanted their life. i sat at home wondering how i could overcome all of this to get on with my life and be happy. now that it is finally here and i am in the relationship i want and love, i want to move on because now i have a reason to move on.

i don't know how to get over my issues of failure. i know i need to turn around my negative thinking. actually i have and it is getting better, but i am still working on it. things are still happening in my life that i am trying to fix: a $10,000 medical bill for starters. so give me a break. maybe people should look how they are failing me for a change? maybe then i will see that they do care and do want to be around me. i will say this, if it wasn't for eric my life would be over. that man saved my life. my depression was terrible. my life seemed hopeless. now i am starting to be the person i want to be. so please...forget my past and help me to get through this and get on with my life. stop judging me because i have agoraphobia, anxiety and panic and see what i am a real person with feelings. i need all the support i can get!

payday!

ahhh, finally the day has come! was beginning to think it never would. lol. need to get a few more things for my scrapbook room and it should be done tonight! debating if i want to put another table in here. i think i do. i can see myself in here a lot, my little piece of heaven. what i would love to put in here would be a futon but no room. probably not a good idea anyways because i would never leave. eric would never see me, only at work.

I've been doing a picture a day for 21 days now and I am finding myself looking forward to taking a picture. I am coming up with ways I can scrap what I took, if I want to. I really think this will help my scrapbooking.

Can't think of anything else right now. Working on a layout while the bathroom warms up for my shower then off to get checks and then party! well no party, just a little fun.
peace!

color inspiration #39

Loved the colors this week! My camera how ever didn't like trying to take pictures of this. The red is much deeper than it shows. The "bling" are green, doesn't look like it. They are from My and My Big Ideas. Stamp is from a Close To My Heart set called "Heartthrob."

Thanks for looking. Have fun making cards!

flickr loving

since i am redoing my scrapbook room, aka studio, i went to flickr to get some ideas.

1. New craft studio - WIP, 2. WIP: new studio, 3. New studio redo, 4. window above studio work table, 5. KEEP CALM AND HAVE A CUPCAKE by Everyday is a Holiday 16x20 hand painted canvas, 6. studio view 2008!, 7. Gallery Wall in the Studio, 8. Chrysti's Studio, 9. my studio: the analog room